There are 2 files, first file is the comments from prof second is from student; u need to modify as what they mentioned.
Liu Zhao
1
Liu Zhao 4
Liu Zhao
Professor Ms. Williams
AAS 271
11 April 2020
Rough draft – Afrocentricity
Also known as Afrocentric, Afrocentricity is the study of the history of the world that focuses on the history of the current African descent. Afrocentricity refers to an African initiative culture that attempts to bring Africa to the center of the whole thing. This is regarding everything that began in Africa yet comprehensively; they are said to be Africa-American based. Furthermore, Afrocentricity has been employed significantly to scholarly work where Africans need acknowledgment as they are the ones putting effort on the works coming from Africa. Similarly, the fact that they have a broad scope of masterminds who are capable and have had the option to think of scholarly work, Afrocentricity at its most straightforward attempts to put Africa as a continent at the focal point, all things considered, attempts to put African history within proper context rather than Europe assuming the acknowledgment in what it has not done and accomplished. In this manner, this point of view ought not to be viewed as attempting to put African at any predominance but the way that Africa’s source, culture, and conduct ought to be valued (Ince). (I would follow up with explaining the significance of this reference) (unclear thesis) Comment by Claire E Logan: I would use a different definition–afrocentricity is a framework, not an actual study Comment by Claire E Logan: confusing–would scrap the whole sentence Comment by Claire E Logan: confusing– re-word
The exponents of Afrocentrism support the statement that the contributions made by black African people have been discredited as part of the history of colonialism and the pathology of slavery, more so in the act writing Africans out of history. Afrocentricity has its own critics, some of the critics such as Mary Lefkowitz, term who describe Afrocentricity to be obstinately therapeutic as well as pseudohistory (reference needed). Other critics, like Kwame Appiah, view Afrocentricity as a strategy to disrupt the history of the world by trying to replace Eurocentricity with a curriculum that is hierarchical and ethnocentric (reference needed). The critics in support of this approach also claim that Afrocentricity negatively portrays the culture of Europe and people of European descent. (I would take a stance here by disproving these critiques in a way that addresses your thesis)
Afrocentricity is followed back to the African-American who was brought up in Europe after Africa nations were colonized, and some were sold as captives to the European countries (unclear sentence). Afrocentricity is dated back to the 19th century and the early 20th century. It is believed to be the work of intellectuals of Africans in Africa and those in the diaspora as well (a. It was a reform brought about by social reforms in Africa and the United States of America after the end of colonialism and that of slavery too. Afrocentrism can be viewed as a political movement and also an ideology. Afrocentrism had its roots back to when the black intellectuals took part in activism. The African Americans did not want to be controlled by the whites; they wanted a better education; they wanted their churches. Due to these demands, the African Americans started to actively participate in public roles and politics even though they were victims of the ongoing racial segregation as well as discrimination. In the utilization of the Afrocentric point of view, imperialism is the principle viewpoint that without vagueness can undoubtedly clarify the Afrocentric viewpoint. At the point when the European countries mixed for African nations as their states, the residents right now compelled to carefully hold fast to the colonizer’s terms and conditions and inability to do so prompt a discipline. (none of that made sense)
Africans had to work for the white settlers, and most terrible some were sold to be slaves, a situation that Africans hated. After the independence of most African nations, the Afrocentricity was felt inside Africans, and they needed a sentiment of proprietorship. Moreover, African-Americans, who were sold like as slaves as well as forced to labor as workers where in Europe and are the ones who felt the requirement for Afrocentricity since, in most academic work that they did, the whites were continually getting the credit regardless of the way that Africans had accomplished all the work thus Afrocentric point of view emerged (Bangura, 103-125). (The whole last sentence is confusing, I would re-word it and possibly even break it into two sentences)
In conclusion, Afrocentrism has experienced massive criticism from standard researchers who accuse it of authentic mistakes, scholarly incompetence, and racism. However, Afrocentrism supports the conservation along with the rise of contemporary African American culture(expand on this with a cultural example). Lastly, Afrocentrism acquired great authenticity in the U.S. during the 1960s because of the social equality development, the multicultural movement, as well as the immigration of several people who were not whites. Therefore, they must ultimately reflect traditional African values(expand further on assertions like this). The exponents of Afrocentrism support the statement that the contributions made by black African people have been discredited as part of the history of colonialism and the pathology of slavery, more so in the act writing Africans out of history they believe that Africans and African Americans should be included in the history, they too contributed.
Works cited
Bangura, Abdul Karim. “From Diop to Asante: Conceptualizing and contextualizing the Afrocentric paradigm.” The Journal of Pan African Studies 5.1 (2012): 103-125.
Ince, Lynda C. Kinship care: An Afrocentric perspective. Diss. University of Birmingham, 2010.
Final Thoughts:
It is clear that the ideas are present and that the delivery of them is what needs improvement. One of the primary suggestions I have is finding a more accurate, definitive definition of Afrocentricity to utilize and refer to throughout the paper. The current explanation of Afrocentricity being used in the paper is inaccurate as it paints Afrocentricity as more of a study rather than a framework. Afrocentricity is based upon the proper contextualization of Africa and its descendants’ history and that idea did not seem to be conveyed. It would also help to expand on the importance and role of Afrocentricity in academia. Another important component that needs work is the thesis; there is no clear thesis connecting Afrocentricity to a contemporary cultural example. It seems that the paper does not connect Afrocentricity to a contemporary cultural example at all.
Another suggestion I have is using more precise word choice. For this, I would highly recommend using thesaurus.com as you can enter a word close to what you want to say and use it find related words that are more aligned with the idea being conveyed. Within this, it is important to use the proper names for the proper populations being discussed (I’m specifically referring to the sentence that mentions African Americans being sold “where-in Europe,” it is unclear whether the idea isn’t being conveyed correctly or if the incorrect title was selected). I would also like to note that “Afrocentric” and “Afrocentricity” are not interchangeable; Afrocentric is a verb and Afrocentricity is a noun. A final comment is that there seems to be some missing references, specifically when discussing the critics of Afrocentricity. All in all, the foundation is there, it just needs to be built upon.