I’m a firm believer that the best part of being in a relationship is also the hardest: it requires work. If you want to be happy in love, you have to make an effort. This isn’t something most people want to hear or deal with because it’s so much easier to complain about what your partner does wrong than actually fixing it yourself. But here’s the thing: even if you’re already doing everything right, there are still small habits that can help make your relationship even more romantic—and they don’t require much effort! So let’s get started!
You and your partner are cozied up on the couch, watching TV.
You’re both so relaxed that you barely notice when the show goes off and a commercial comes on.
It’s at this moment that you should seize the opportunity to be romantic—and not by picking up where you left off in the movie (though, hey, if it works for you and your partner, go for it).
Instead, take advantage of this opportunity to really connect with your significant other.
Instead of zoning out during commercials or texting friends who aren’t there in person with you right now (even though they do like being texted), focus on conversation instead: ask questions about what’s happening in each scene; ask what kind of day your partner had at work; tell stories about times when neither one of you were around each other but would’ve wanted to be otherwise; reminisce about past experiences together—anything! Stop multitasking and put down those remote controls for good!
Be intentional about spending time together.
It’s tempting to try to squeeze in as much of your partner’s company as you can when you see them, but that doesn’t work so well. It’s better to set aside specific times for spending together and make plans for activities that you both enjoy. If you want to be romantic, don’t just show up at their door unannounced or call them at work without warning—make sure your partner knows when and where the two of you will be getting together.
If they have a busy schedule, ask if there are any days that might be more convenient than others (or vice versa). Maybe one day is better than another because it allows them more time with their family after work or school ends? Take into account their other obligations when deciding on dates—and stick to those dates!
Put yourself in your partner’s shoes. How many times have you made a decision because it was best for everyone, but then ended up being disappointed in the outcome? If you’re like most people, probably more than once. It’s important to remember that just because something would be good for your partner doesn’t mean they want it. In order to be more romantic in a relationship, try putting yourself in their shoes and asking yourself: “What would make them happy?”
Have empathy for their feelings and desires. Does your partner want to get married? Buy a new car? Move across the country? Giving them what they want might seem like an obvious choice at first glance—but when considering how much time and energy will go into making those things happen, maybe you’ll reconsider whether or not they really need all those things right now! After all, there are plenty of other ways you can show love besides buying expensive gifts or trips abroad—even if those are what people expect from romantic gestures these days (hey there!).
Be understanding about where they stand on certain issues. Maybe your husband wants kids but he knows how terrified his wife feels about having them; maybe his parents won’t stop pressuring her until she gives birth; maybe her friends all think having kids is irresponsible but she doesn’t care enough about what others think…etcetera etcetera etcetera ad infinitum ad nauseam ad infinitum.* Keep an open mind when listening so that whatever comes next makes sense based on previous context/conversation topics!
Set boundaries with technology. It’s a common mistake to think that the only way to be romantic is by spending money on expensive gifts or elaborate dates. While these can certainly be romantic, they’re not always necessary or even the best option. Instead of going out of your way to buy something new, try making something old more meaningful by adding some creativity and thoughtfulness into it.
For example: if you want to make your partner happy with a gift, consider one of their favorite candies instead of flowers or chocolates (they’ll probably appreciate having something unique). Or if you want to show them how much you care about them without spending money on dinner at an expensive restaurant (which might make them feel guilty for not being able to afford it), cook a meal together instead—and don’t forget dessert!
Find romance in every day things. Romance should be a part of every day life. It doesn’t matter if you’re single or not, dating someone, or married for years—it’s important to find ways to make your partner feel special and loved every day. Here are some simple ways:
Be romantic in the way you interact with your partner every day. This can be as simple as saying their name when they walk into the room, giving them a hug and kiss before work, calling them at work just because (and don’t say “just because” if there isn’t a good reason), writing notes to each other throughout the week expressing how much you appreciate them being in your life and what makes them special.
Be romantic in the things that happen every day between partners. For example, take turns making dinner for each other; plan fun dates for Saturday night instead of going out with friends; go on weekend getaways together once or twice per month; bring flowers home randomly throughout the week just so they see how much thought has gone into their gift from their partner when they arrive home from work; make sure there is healthy food available at all times so neither one of you ever feels like eating junk food again after seeing how much healthier options can be when prepared properly/seasoned correctly/presented beautifully!
Focus on giving, not receiving. The best advice for being more romantic in your relationship is to focus on giving, not receiving. This may seem counterintuitive; after all, you don’t want to be a total pushover and make your partner feel like they have no power in the relationship (especially if you’re the one who started dating first). And yet, this is exactly what will happen if you try to be super sweet and accommodating all the time: You end up becoming an emotional doormat.
The best way to avoid this trap? Think of yourself as part of a series of three-way exchanges: between yourself and your partner, between yourself and them as part of their role in your life…and then back again! For example: “I know that my boyfriend loves it when I cook him breakfast in bed on Sunday mornings—so I do it! But it makes me happy too because I love being able to give him something special.”
Keep your relationship a priority. If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, make sure that he or she is a priority in your life. If you don’t, set the bar high for yourself and make sure that you are a priority in your own life first. It’s not enough to say “I will be more romantic to myself!” You must also be willing to put your own needs ahead of everyone else’s when necessary—even if it makes them uncomfortable or jealous.
The best way to understand this concept is by comparing it with “taking turns” at playground equipment: A child might want another child off the slide because he wants his turn now, but they’re not going anywhere until they take turns waiting their turn (or playing nicely). Likewise, if someone wants something from us right now and we’re busy doing something else—like watching Netflix—we should still put our needs first and tell them no (sorry!). But then we need to give them what they want eventually…or risk losing out on getting our own way down the line (i.e., getting what we want).
Small habits can help you be a more romantic person. Start off with small things. Take a minute to think about how you can make your partner’s life easier or better. Maybe their coffee is always cold, so you start making it at home and then bring it to them in the morning (unless they like it that way). Maybe they’re always forgetting their keys, so you start keeping them on the fridge near the door instead of on a hook by your bedside table where they’ve been since forever. If there are things that drive your partner crazy but aren’t necessarily dealbreakers for them (like when I forget my wallet), try changing those little habits just once and see how they react; if all goes well, maybe try doing it again next time!
Be thoughtful and intentional about everything you do together as a couple—even if what you’re doing seems mundane or boring at first glance! Think about why those things matter: What does spending time together do for both of y’all? Why does listening matter? How can being patient help improve communication? And so forth…
Even if you’re not the most romantic person in the world, you can still try to be. It’s just a matter of making some small changes in your daily life. By the way, try focusing on giving more than receiving and setting boundaries with technology to keep intimacy alive in.
