Weekly Journal Reflections Each chapter of the textbook will have a related journal entry prompt to which you will need to respond. You can find these assignments in each weekly module labeled “Chapter X Journal” under the “Assignments and Activities” section. Journals are an opportunity for you to reflect on what you read and learned in the chapter and apply it to your own life. In each journal response, you should answer ALL the questions presented in the prompt thoroughly and thoughtfully. Journals should incorporate what we call the “4 E’s” in college success: 1. Experience: Your response is written from your own experience and perspective 2. Evidence: Your response includes evidence or support from the chapter or the course 3. Example: Your response uses examples from your own life 4. Explanation: Your thoughts or opinions are clearly and thoughtfully explained Your journal responses should include at least ONE of the FOUR E’s, but I encourage you to use as many as you can. Journals will be assessed on thoughtfulness, thoroughness and writing conventions using the journal rubric on a 0-10 point scale. There is no minimum word or page count for these assignments, but you are expected to answer each prompt in depth.
Introduction:
When we are chronically living in a state of stress and anxiety, fear has gone from
being an evolutionary savior to a personal foe. Chronic stress and fear can literally
change the way our brain works in destructive ways that have the effect of
compounding the effects of stress in a vicious cycle. You can purposefully make
choices each day about your mindset and behavior that can help. One such choice is
to activate your imagination, particularly as you explore and get closer to discovering
your personal why. When combined with a compelling personal why, imagination can
provide the fuel as you move toward your higher purpose with more courage. Whether
you actually do something or imagine doing something, the brain does not register the
difference—this is why visualization is so powerful. This scientific insight can go a long
way in manifesting what you want into what you actually achieve.
Goals:
• Facilitate you identifying your personal “why”.
• Create a visualization that you can practice regularly and fall back on during times
of struggle.
• Begin to reduce stress and anxiety for you.
Instructions:
Complete the following:
1. Why is it important to you to graduate from college?
2. Identify a scenario in the future related to graduating from college that would bring
you joy. Examples: Getting your diploma, telling your family you graduated, getting
your first post-college job, being able to have the money from your new job to buy
something you really want
3. Create a visualization that describes that scenario in detail. Remember to include:
o Use all of your senses: As you envision and feel yourself in the moment,
enacting the steps that lead up to your “why,” what do you feel, hear, see,
smell, and touch? It’s important to put this process into a logical bodily
sequence. For example, if you were preparing to run a race, you might first
experience yourself tying your shoelaces, then warming up and stretching, then
moving up to the start line and taking your position. The next experience you
would have would be hearing the loud explosion of the starting-gun going off as
you propel your body forward, and so on. Whatever the moment, invest in
making it as realistic as possible. Then sequence what you would be
experiencing moment by moment as you transition through the visualization.
o Activate your emotions: This is important. Choose emotions that are in
response to something meaningful and positive for you. Maybe you’re receiving
an award or being offered a job or promotion, maybe you’re surrounded by
friends and family, or maybe you’re publishing a book. The point is, the emotion
should be in response to something that matters to you and that is possible to
achieve in the amount of time you’ve selected for the exercise. Make it personal
and emotionally compelling in a positive way.
4. Connect yourself physically: By imagining and experiencing your physical response,
you are activating your brain’s propensity to believe what your imagination is
feeding it. Are you celebrating or throwing your fists into the air? Are you shaking
someone’s hand? Are you clinking a champagne glass? Are you hugging
someone? Take the time to feel yourself enacting those behaviors. This, along with
your emotions, activates your unconscious mind’s ability to support your
visualization. It replaces the reward of giving up with the reward of something that
is of equal or greater pleasure.
5. When you are in a relaxed mood (like when you wake up, after you meditate, or
right before bed), practice the visualization.
Example (to be used for reference ONLY):
I want to graduate from college because I know that having a college degree will
provide me with opportunities for better jobs and a more secure future. Additionally, I
want to be successful and make my parents proud.
I began to visualize telling my parents that I’m graduating and would like them to see
me receive my diploma.
1. I see myself driving home, excited to tell my parents that I’m graduating from
college.
2. I walk in the front door and the dogs jump all over me.
3. I hear my dad call out to me and I tell him to meet me in the kitchen because I want
to tell him and mom something important.
4. I find my mom in the living room and ask her to follow me into the kitchen.
5. We all sit down at the table and I look at both my parents, seeing that they are
wondering what I’m going to tell them.
6. I tell them that I am graduating at the end of the semester and would like them to
attend the ceremony.
7. I can see the look of excitement on my parent’s faces. They look very proud and
excited.
8. I feel my mom and dad hug me and tell me how proud they are of me and of all the
hard work I put into getting to graduation.
|07|knowing your why and PRACTICING COURAGE
in the FACE of FEAR
“I learned that courage was not the
absence of fear, but the triumph
over it. The brave man is not he who
does not feel afraid, but he who
conquers that fear.”
Nelson Mandela
PRACTICING COURAGE IN THE FACE OF FEAR | 117
Where We Have Been
In Chapter 6, you learned all about finding exceptions to problem-saturated stories. Through the example of Angela’s
unexamined personal narrative, you learned how the narrative process is engineered to discover these exceptions to
problems. Following her process set the stage for you to reflect on your personal narrative to find the places where the
problem did not achieve total domination. You were also invited to expand your non-cog vernacular, understanding
that there are many words you can use to describe your strengths and that the Big 7 is just an instructive starting place.
Lastly, you were taught how to creatively explore finding exceptions to your problems and learned how they represent
the entry-way into updating your own personal narrative and a more empowered sense of self.
Where We Are Going
In this chapter, we are going to focus on the importance of cultivating courage as a necessary component of creating
a life that is aligned with your greatest gifts, values, and dreams. We will also be highlighting the fact that courage is,
like Nelson Mandella said, “not the absence of fear.” This statement will be the founding principle under which we
operate in this chapter and going forward. Furthermore, this principle will anchor your exploration of both fear and
courage as you uncover and energize your personal “why”; it will connect you to your sense of purpose and your
dreams that will occupy the cornerstone of your courage.
You will explore the astonishing power of your imagination’s ability to help you manage your fear as you engage
it through visualization. Moreover you will learn a visualization technique that focuses on “feeling” yourself in your
desired future instead of “seeing” yourself as is typically taught. This technique will allow you to mobilize your
unconscious mind as it acts as your personal GPS, leading you toward your desired destination (Figure 1).
Gearing Up
» To understand how courage is often most available when you’re out of your
comfort zone or experiencing fear
» To define and build the connection to your personal “why”
» To leverage the power of your imagination as you activate your unconscious
mind to move you in the direction of your desired future
» To seek your courage compass and appreciate the way you uniquely embody
courage
Figure 1. As you learn to “feel”
yourself rather than “see” yourself,
you’ll have what you need to move
toward your destination.
Neuroscience is also discussed as it relates to self-talk; you’ll begin to understand the importance of speaking in
the affirmative as you again activate the conscious and unconscious mind in increasing the chances that your goals
become reality. Additionally, you will find your “courage compass.” Because things like listening to music or finding a
powerful quote, poem, speech, or even a work of art can be such a powerful and emotionally motivating experience,
we will be encouraging you to find something that gets your head in the right space and speaks to who you are and
what you love.
PRACTICING COURAGE IN THE FACE OF FEAR | 118
Lastly, you will begin to define your own way of practicing courage in your life; in particular, we will be giving
additional recommendations to those of you who consider yourselves to be introverts. Power and courage come in
many shapes and forms; it is important to honor everyone’s voice, and only you get to define your own.
“Hello, fear. Thank you for being here. You’re my indication that
I am doing what I need to do.”
Cheryl Strayed
Courage as the Route to Defining Your Why
Courage is not about being heroic. It’s about being fully you… minus the lampshade. Real, everyday courage means
many things to many people: It may mean moving forward during those times when all you want to do is stop and
hide. It may mean risking looking or feeling vulnerable, exposed, and foolish. It may often involve feeling unprepared
and sometimes like an imposter or an outsider. Real courage may mean speaking up when your heart is pounding
and your tongue is tripping over your every word. It may mean doing the things that make you most nervous. For
some, courage may mean sharing their creative, weird, or outside of the box thinking. It may mean being authentic,
even when it would be easier to act like everybody else. Courage is working harder and seeing projects through, until
they’re complete, even when all you want to do is quit; for some that might mean having the courage to ask for help.
It may mean turning in an assignment that is not perfect, and then managing the feelings of self-doubt that flood in.
Real courage may mean continuing to put forth effort in the face of academic insecurity and reaching out for social
connection from others when fear is working overtime to convince them that isolation is safer.
What does courage mean to you? And, just as importantly, why? Why are you willing to practice a growth mindset,
and why are you willing to be uncomfortable? What makes this all worth it?
Courage is about asking why: Why do you want to graduate? Why did you choose college as part of your route to live
your best life? What will you most be serving and why does being in service to that pursuit, that value, that goal, or
that community provide the most meaning for you?
Dim the Fear, Not the Light
You can’t have a conversation about courage without including a conversation about fear. Throughout this course, we
have repeatedly emphasized how necessary it is to continue to nudge yourself out of your comfort zone. This chapter
will not stray from that message. You see, people are often mistaken about what goes into courage. Some have come
to believe the notion that true bravery and strength of character are defined by an absence of fear. It’s all around us,
especially in popular culture: just think of the last action and adventure movie you saw. Most likely the plot revolves
around a hero who, when faced with imminent death or destruction, boldy swooped in and defeated the villain.
Although it can be great fun to watch, it bears no resemblance to the actual practice of courage (Figure 2).
Figure 2. It can be fun to watch action
heroes fearlessly prevail in the face of
danger, but this is not what courage is.
PRACTICING COURAGE IN THE FACE OF FEAR | 119
In our day to day lives, there are many stressful, anxiety provoking, and downright scary things to deal with. And,
often in response to those things, we feel scared. This is exactly why this course exists, but it is not to say that by
following the narrative coaching protocol you will eliminate fear. This simply is not the case. Fear will never completely
die, nor should it. It actually serves some pretty major evolutionary needs (like legitimate physical safety, for one). But,
as you know, it also has a tendency to completely take over. Fear, however, can be addressed and minimized so that it
does not win to the extent that it immobilizes you or diminishes your own radiance—that light within you that tugs at
you to live more courageously and fully, as you dreamed you would when you were just a child.
A fellow coach once asked a student who was edging closer to her fear, “Are you finally ready to take the lampshade
off?” Each of us at one time or another wears a lampshade. In an effort to stay safe and hidden and to fit in, many
of us dim the source of light that makes us most brilliant and unique. When choosing comfort over vulnerability, we
fail to shine our light on a world that needs more of the best of us. We are going to be imagining a life without your
lampshade, but we have to start by acknowledging fear (Figure 3).
Figure 3. When we focus too much on
being safe, staying hidden, and fitting
in, we dim the light that makes us
brilliant and unique.
WATCH THIS:
Finding Your Authentic Voice, Even If It’s Soft
After talking so much about courage, it feels necessary to address the fact that many of the adjectives used to
describe courage may lean heavily in the direction of the extrovert over the introvert. But voices of courage come
in all different forms and volumes.
The core of this course is about enabling you to find your authentic voice. It may express itself in the way you
look, feel, and sound, and it may be very different from the voice of the person sitting next to you. Ultimately it is
only you who can define what you look like, feel like, and sound like when you’re in power. So, it is for this reason
we share this video:1
The Power of Introverts | Susan Cain
https://www.
youtube.com/watch?v=c0KYU2j0TM4
PRACTICING COURAGE IN THE FACE OF FEAR | 120
Figure 4. Your courage compass
energizes you and gives you strength
to face the challenges ahead.
Courage Compass
a song, poem, or speech that
energizes and inspires you and gets
your blood pumping
Finding Your Courage Compass
As you begin the journey to becoming more clear about who you are and what you value, you will grow closer to
defining what is most personally rewarding for you, and that will mirror what matters to you most. Between now and
the day you graduate, you are going to be facing many obstacles; some will bring with them heavy and uncomfortable
doses of fear and self-doubt. Should you find this happening, you may see your story growing ever more problem-
saturated as fear attempts to derail you. What we’ve taught you so far will go a long way in supporting your ability to
put fear in its place, but there’s one more tool you can add to your arsenal.
You have learned that in order to rewire your brain, it’s critical to both activate your imagination and invoke your
emotions. Finding your personal courage compass—a song, poem, or speech that energizes and inspires you and
gets your blood pumping—is a powerful way to support the process of discovering, celebrating, and claiming your
why (Figure 4). Alternatively, a quote, movie scene, or even a work of art can be a powerful courage compass.
When fear attempts to steal your thunder, deprive you of joy, or cause you to slip that lampshade back on, having a
go-to source of inspiration can be the difference between cowering out or giving it a try and totally nailing it. Find one
song, poem, speech, or anything else that gets you pumped, or create a playlist or collection that shifts your mood
and ignites your power, your passion, and your belief in yourself and what’s possible. Can you imagine Rocky without
the theme song? Neither can we! What do you use as a compass when you need courage to keep you headed in the
right direction?
Facing Angela’s Fears
When Angela first arrived on campus, she was convinced that she simply didn’t fit the mold. In her mind, “the
mold” was represented all around her by how other students behaved. It appeared to her that everyone else
just naturally fit-in: They had plenty of friends, looked the part, and were well-prepared for college life. As she
watched other students, a narrative ran through her mind—one that was deeply steeped in problems, with
anxiety, fear, and self-doubt dominating her thoughts and her ability to see things clearly.
She was in the process of change, though, and now as she watched other students she was able to practice all
that she was learning about herself. She coveted the opportunity to apply all that she was learning as she sat
and watched students moving about between her creative writing and math classes. As she was becoming more
aware of her self-talk and cognitive frame, and she had started intentionally interrupting her negative self-talk,
she noticed that she did, in fact, have a strong confirmation bias.
PRACTICING COURAGE IN THE FACE OF FEAR | 121
Getting Closer to Your Why
Getting to your why is an important process for you to explore as a college student. Along the journey, from where
you are now to where you ultimately want to be, there will be many stumbling blocks that may cause you to question
or doubt whether all the effort is worth it. A problem-saturated narrative may try to convince you that it is not, or that
you are not. This is exactly why connecting to a powerful personal why and commiting to a practice of countering a
disempowered narrative is so important. When stress, overwhelm, fear, and anxiety come knocking, know that it is
through your ability to connect to and imagine your why that you can keep them at bay.
To be clear, you may not at this juncture in your life know exactly what your why is, in any sort of detailed way. This is
okay. What’s more important is that you want the opportunity to cultivate a dream. College is a time for exploration;
it’s a time for learning more thoroughly who you are in order to be able to confidently know what you want—and why.
“At our essence, we are most motivated by knowing why we do things.”
Simon Sinek
The more she purposely broadened her lens and pushed back on her distorted perceptions, the more she saw
that other students were also alone and not always epitomizing the college mold. It was not as though she
wanted other students to be struggling, but seeing that they also faced hardships normalized her feelings, which
provided some welcome comfort to her.
When feelings of isolation or anxiety showed up, she would practice breathing and do some journaling to
acknowledge and release them. When things were really rough, though, like when she would sit alone at a
campus event or when she would struggle with her math homework, fear and self-doubt would once again take
center stage. And even though she had been practicing all that she learned, she did not always see how earning
a degree was the right path for her. Thoughts of dropping out were still lurking in the back of her mind.
She was, however, super excited to look for her courage compass. She played songs, read speeches, and
collected so many powerful quotes that spoke to her that she decided to house them all in a folder on her
desktop she labeled “Inspiration.” They all meant something to her, but it was when she was listening to and
watching the video for the song “Brave,” by Sara Bareilles, that she felt something different: she felt her energy
completely shift in a very positive way.2 She felt enlivened, and was pulled into a much better headspace—a
headspace that reminded her that life is precious, fun, and begging to be lived at its most joyous and fullest. For
her, the reminder to “be brave” was a reminder to risk moving away from the sidelines of her own life and instead
step up and jump in!
PRACTICING COURAGE IN THE FACE OF FEAR | 122
Walking Toward Your Purpose
Recently, there has been a lot of collective conversation about the importance of everyone from CEOs to students
to know their why. Knowing your why—in action—is a mighty thing, as you are about to see:
WATCH THIS:
Know Your Why
In this video, inspirational comedian Michael Jr. says, “When you know your why, you’re walking towards your
purpose.”3 This is clearly evident in an audience member’s rendition of “Amazing Grace,” which is powerfully
enhanced once he connects to his why. His second rendition is drawn from his passion, depth, and heart, and his
connection to the lyrics. The song was transformed because he thought of something personal and breathed his
imagination into it.
Knowing Who You Are
Here’s the thing, there are few people for whom from a young age knew exactly what they wanted to do when they
grew up. There is a reason there are about a billion books written on the subject, and it is precisely why we will not try
to manufacture a process that promises to provide you the power to instantaneously discover your own purpose. It is
often the process of inquiry that provides the most valuable and fertile ground for discovering your own path.
In discovering your personal why, a good place to start is to get to know yourself better, or knowing your “who.” You
have spent the previous six chapters doing this, so you are now well prepared.
In order to better know your who, it may be helpful to look back at yourself when you were a child: What did you love
to think about, tinker with, and explore? What activities did you love—the ones in which you’d lose all track of time?
What musings and images filled your daydreams? Were you the kid who was most likely to be out on the field in the
midst of all the action, or were you more likely to be at your uncle’s side in the garage, taking stuff apart and figuring
out how to put it back together? This is not to say that if you played third base on your Little League team you should
set your sights on being a professional baseball player. Maybe instead it helps you realize that you loved being part of
a team, being outdoors, and the thrill of competition, or that you did well under pressure (Figure 5).
Figure 5. What you found passion in
during your childhood might reflect
who you are today.
“Find out who you are and do it on purpose.”
Dolly Parton
PRACTICING COURAGE IN THE FACE OF FEAR | 123
In her TedTalk, “Golden Threads—Finding Purpose in Life,” Katherine Jackson talks about how hard
it can be to know exactly what your ultimate purpose is.4 In exploring your golden threads, you can
start to get curious about what most captivated you when you were young, and what still remains
captivating today.
To help you identify your “golden thread,” we have broken the concept down into three categories:
» Joy: What both brings you joy and expresses your talents (it can be helpful to think
back to when you were a child to guide this question)?
» Values: What are your core values (your fundamental beliefs and guiding principles)?
» Legacy: What do you want to be remembered for?
Golden Threads
the joy and value in your life along
with the legacy you want to be
remembered for that reveal your
purpose
» Dependability
» Reliability
» Loyalty
» Commitment
» Open-mindedness
» Consistency
» Honesty
» Efficiency
» Innovation
» Creativity
» Good humor
» Compassion
» Adventure
» Motivation
» Positivity
» Optimism
» Passion
» Respect
» Fitness
» Courage
I want to be remembered for…
» Animals
» Children
» Sports
» Science
» Literature
» Helping others
» Psychology
» Teaching
» Math
» Health
» Fitness
» History
» The outdoors
» Technology
» Making forts
» Playing with blocks
» Baking
» Cooking
» Traveling
» Making people laugh
» Writing
» Exploring
» Learning
» Reading
» Acting
» Dancing
» Singing
» Meeting people
» Gardening
» Music
» Making up stories
» Telling stories
» Medicine
» Spirituality
» Fashion
» Religion
» Philosophy
» Fixing things
Following are examples for each of these categories:
» Education
» Perseverance
» Patriotism
» Service to others
» Environmentalism
» Personal freedom
» Autonomy
» Financial wealth
» Fame
» Hard work
» being a kind and compassionate
person.
» being a creative and innovative
person.
» taking great risks that made a
difference for my community, nation,
or the world.
» being financially successful.
» being a leader.
» being a great parent.
» being a team player.
» being a good provider.
» being responsible.
» making people laugh.
» helping those less fortunate than myself.
» making art that changed the way people
see the world.
» my music.
» tarting a business, or being part of starting
a business.
» being an advocate for those less fortunate.
» my engagement in social justice.
» standing up to power.
» the things I built.
» my scholarly contributions.
PRACTICING COURAGE IN THE FACE OF FEAR | 124
Finding Angela’s Why
She wished that she was one of those people who always knew what they wanted to do—whether it was fly
planes, be a teacher, or be a founder for a tech start-up. She had the pat answer she gave when talking to others,
but it in her private moments, when the temptation to quit was at its greatest, that “why” didn’t do much to
motivate her. She still felt lost. However, instead of allowing this lost feeling to embolden her anxiety and self-
doubt, she would remember to pull out her journal.
Prior to writing in her journal, she knew that she needed to first feel more grounded, calm, and centered. To do
this, she practiced the short meditations she learned earlier, and let the meditation guide’s voice lead her through
the process. Once finished, she grabbed her pen and got down to work. Taking into account all that she had
learned, here is what she wrote:
“The presence of fear is an important marker for an opportunity to practice courage. Sitting in the
unknown and working to acknowledge and manage fear is pretty courageous. Own your courage,
Angela.”
“There are a lot of things that I already know about myself and who I am becoming that can serve as a
beacon to light my path forward—these are my golden threads.”
“Getting closer to discovering my ‘why’ will start with exploring what’s important to me, even if I do not
yet have a clear sense of exactly what I will be doing in the future and what my future career will be.”
“Finding my courage compass will be both important and fun. I need to shake things up, move this
energy, and lift my mood!”
Angela then considered her golden thread and copied this into her journal for ”joy”:
“What brings me joy and expresses my talents (think back to when I was a child)?”
“Helping people brings me joy and it is something I am good at. I am a good listener and I feel
like when I am being there for other people, I am at my best. I don’t know if this is a talent, but it is
something I care about. I was always that kid in class who looked after the kid who was hurt, or crying, or
falling behind in some way.”
She wrote this in her journal for “values”:
“What are my core values (my fundamental beliefs and guiding principles)?”
“My core values are compassion, honesty, and service to others.”
Finally, she entered this for “legacy”:
“What do I want to be remembered for?”
“I want to be remembered for being kind, reliable, and helpful to those in need. I also want to be
remembered for being a good provider, specifically for helping my family financially. What this means is
that not only do I want to find meaningful work, I want to find work that pays well.”
Imagining Who You Want to Be
Activating your imagination as you envision your future self will give you the opportunity to inquire into how you feel
when you’re expressing your joy and talents. You’ll be able to envision yourself living in alignment with your values,
and living a life you can be proud of and that you most want to be remembered for.
It may be very difficult to know what you want to do careerwise, and to create specific goals to that end. If you find
that to be the case for yourself, it will be important to focus less on visualizing exactly what you will be doing in the
future, and more on your values and what you want to be remembered for—as in, who you want to be. For instance,
you may not be able to forecast the job you want, but you may feel certain about a value you want to promote,
embody, and experience, like freedom, creative expression, equity, or abundance.
Your values and principles are a critical starting place for this process. If knowing more details in greater clarity is
overwhelming, knowing these will represent important guide posts along your journey; they will represent “where you
want to go.”
PRACTICING COURAGE IN THE FACE OF FEAR | 125
Ikigai: A Reason for Being
Some people find that the Ikigai is a powerful tool for helping them move closer to knowing their why and preparing
for their future (Figure 6). Ikigai is a Japanese word which roughly translates to “a reason for being.” From Ikigai, we
get a sense of purpose and meaning and a feeling of well-being.
Figure 6. The Ikigai can be a powerful
tool for helping you discover your
purpose.
WATCH THIS:
How to Ikigai | Tim Tamashiro | TEDxYYC
Ikigai
a tool that helps you discover your
sense of purpose and meaning and
gives you a feeling of well-being;
Japanese for a reason for being
In the following video, author Tim Tamashiro provides an overview of Ikigai and how to create your own:5
PRACTICING COURAGE IN THE FACE OF FEAR | 126
Connecting Values to Your Why
Breaking down your why into three stages can help you visualize your future self by creating smaller, more
manageable goals that work toward your ultimate goal:
Figure 7. Imagining the value may
reveal what kind of work you want to do.
With all three stages, you do not need to know exactly what you will be doing, where you will be living, or what your
career will be. However, you will need enough imagination to connect to the experience of joy, the expression of your
talents, and/or the feeling of doing something that rewards you enough financially while being something you will
be proud to be remembered for. Again, throughout this course we have continually emphasized the importance of
cultivating a deep sense of who you are. Knowing your why is also founded on this because you can only know your why,
when it starts with a greater sense of knowing your “who.” As stated earlier, “where you want to go” may be less about
the exact role you want to occupy or your exact physical address, and more about bringing detail and nuance even if
where you want to go is founded more on a value or principle that matters to you—like freedom—than on a title.
Bringing detail and nuance may be about connecting to a picture in your mind that represents the value. For
example, if you want to do humanitarian work, maybe you’re imagining the smile of a child, or the embrace of a family
(Figure 7). If you want to do creative work, imagine holding your paintbrush, or walking into a gallery. Perhaps being
financially rewarded for your hard work or talents is important to you; in this case, imagine going to the bank and
depositing a check, with the sum you hope to make, to clarify that the service you provided was highly valued.
PRACTICING COURAGE IN THE FACE OF FEAR | 127
Angela’s Ikigai
Angela liked the idea of using the Ikigai as it seemed to encompass and integrate all the necessary questions
she needed to consider. It would help guide her toward a future that enlisted so much of who she was and who
she was hoping to become. It was both profound yet straight forward. Figure 8 is her initial stab at this novel
framework.
Figure 8. Angela’s Ikigai will help guide her to her future.
PRACTICING COURAGE IN THE FACE OF FEAR | 128
Visualizing Yourself Embodying Your Why
When engaging in visualization it is important to choose an event, activity, or moment you plan to achieve that
represents success to you, however you uniquely define it. It may be accepting a job offer, maybe it’s receiving
notification that you have made the Dean’s list, or maybe it’s walking across the stage to receive your diploma. Most
importantly, make sure that the event is emotionally powerful and rewarding to you and represents a moment in
time that highlights the character traits that you have worked hard to cultivate and for which you will be most proud
to embody. Here is why: When things get hard (as anything worthwhile always does) we want to run away from
the struggle—it’s uncomfortable and unpleasant. Our brains are wired to seek pleasure, so when we are out of our
comfort zone, the thought of quitting activates the reward centers in our brain and gives us pleasure. The idea of
quitting in the short run can be way more tempting than the idea of pushing through, especially when that pushing
through does not activate reward or pleasure. Your “why” needs to replace the “pleasure” that the idea of giving up
provides; it needs to provide something that is seriously and personally emotionally rewarding.
The Power Is in Feeling, Not Seeing
When most of us think about visualization, we are apt to imagine an exercise wherein we see ourselves from the
outside, achieving something positive or important to us. The latest research in brain science, however, tells us
that perhaps we have been practicing visualization all wrong. In imagining ourselves in the third person (outside
of ourselves) instead of in the first person (inside of ourselves), we are limiting our brain’s ability to access the
unconscious mind (Figure 9). Dr. Srini Pillay put it this way:6
“Imagining activates brain regions that can unconsciously map your path to success. Not knowing ‘how’
doesn’t actually matter, since the brain will figure this out once you let it know where you want to go.”
In practice, what this means is that instead of seeing yourself as if you’re on a movie screen, what if you actually saw
the movie as you were moving through it, from your very own unique and embodied perspective? In real time, we do
not view ourselves in the third person; we experience ourselves from the first person. Most critically, this is how our
brain experiences visualization.
Figure 9. We need to visualize
ourselves in the first person if we want
to maximize our unconscious mind.
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Our Imaginations to the Rescue
We’ve talked a lot about the role of stress and fear in this course, and for good reason. When we are chronically living
in a state of stress and anxiety, fear has gone from being an evolutionary savior to a personal foe. As you learned in
the previous chapter, chronic stress and fear can literally change the way our brain works in destructive ways that have
the effect of compounding the effects of stress in a vicious cycle.7 The good news is that neuroplasticity exists and you
can purposefully make choices each day about your mindset and behavior that can help.
One such choice is to activate your imagination, particularly as you explore and get closer to discovering your
personal why. The following video illustrates the role of imagination, specifically how visualization can be practiced
as a dynamic tool.8 When combined with a compelling personal why, imagination may provide the fuel as you move
toward your higher purpose with more courage. Whether you actually do something or imagine doing something, you
brain does not register the difference—this is why visualization is so powerful. This scientific insight can go a long way
in manifesting what you want into what you actually achieve.
Practicing Visualization
Ideally, in the first two weeks of practicing visualization, you should make time to do so five to 10 times to activate
your brain to properly support visualization. Practice in the first person, and use your 90 day, 1 year, or 5 year goal.
Following are some additional suggestions for getting the most out of visualization:
Use all of your senses: As you envision and feel yourself in the moment, enacting the steps that lead up to your
“why,” what do you feel, hear, see, smell, and touch? It’s important to put this process into a logical bodily sequence.
For example, if you were preparing to run a race, you might first experience yourself tying your shoelaces, then
warming up and stretching, then moving up to the start line and taking your position. The next experience you would
have would be hearing the loud explosion of the starting-gun going off as you propel your body forward, and so on.
Whatever the moment, invest in making it as realistic as possible. Then sequence what you would be experiencing
moment by moment as you transition through the visualization.
WATCH THIS:
The Scientific Power of Thought
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Activate your emotions: This is important. Choose emotions that are in response to something meaningful and
positive for you. Maybe you’re receiving an award or being offered a job or promotion, maybe you’re surrounded by
friends and family, or maybe you’re publishing a book (Figure 10). The point is, the emotion should be in response to
something that matters to you and that is possible to achieve in the amount of time you’ve selected for the exercise.
Make it personal and emotionally compelling in a positive way.
Connect yourself physically: By imagining and experiencing your physical response, you are activating your brain’s
propensity to believe what your imagination is feeding it. Are you celebrating or throwing your fists into the air? Are
you shaking someone’s hand? Are you clinking a champagne glass? Are you hugging someone? Take the time to feel
yourself enacting those behaviors. This, along with your emotions, activates your unconscious mind’s ability to support
your visualization. It replaces the reward of giving up with the reward of something that is of equal or greater pleasure.
All this hard work always begins with your thoughts and your feelings, which are very much embedded in your self-
talk. You will find that you get better at visualization as you practice.
Figure 10. When practicing
visualization, choose something
important to you that will draw out
your emotions.
Peaceful Visualization
It’s important to remember that visualization works best when you are completely relaxed. If you are feeling tense
or distracted, or you are managing a lot of thoughts or emotions, visualization is less likely to be effective. For this
reason, refer back to Chapter 4 and review the breathing techniques or guided meditations. Practice one of these
methods so that you are completely present to the experience and are able to optimize visualization.
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Visualizing Angela’s Future
Angela scheduled time in the evening to start practicing visualizing her why. She knew that before she could do
this she would need to imagine herself in the future. For now, she simply started by imagining herself five years
from now buying her parents the luxury recliners they had always wanted but never expected to ever have. She
knew this would not be a dream for everyone, but she thought back to how her mom and dad would always
collapse after work into their old, dusty recliners and watch their favorite shows together. They had sacrificed
so much for her, and all she wanted to do was provide them comfort and make them happy, and she knew that
those chairs would mean a lot at the end of a long work day. She hoped that this would represent the first of
many comforts she would be able to provide for her parents, once she was earning a good paycheck. Imagining
this made her happy and motivated her to stick things out when fear, anxiety, and self-doubt tried to convince her
to give up.
Before getting too deep into her visualization, she led herself through a short breathing exercise. She knew
that if she had any chance of really optimizing the visualization, she would need to rid herself of the stress of
her day. After the breathing exercise, she got started. She began to visualize telling her parents that she had a
surprise for them, and then, in sequence, she visualized herself moving through the following steps, as if she were
experiencing it in real time:
1. She could see the look of confusion on her parent’s faces as she told them she wanted to drive them
somewhere but that it was a surprise. She could feel the excitement.
2. She could see and feel herself driving them to the furniture store, refusing to answer their questions and
saying that they would have to wait and see.
3. She then experienced herself getting out of the car once they had arrived, seeing her parents still confused
at the sight of a store they typically wouldn’t have money to shop at.
4. She felt herself holding the store’s big glass door for her parents. She felt the weight of the door and the
wind from the store’s air conditioning hit her face.
5. She experienced herself leading her parents to the recliner section and the feeling of anticipation and
happiness as her parents began to figure out what she was up to.
6. Finally, she experienced herself telling her parents that she had saved up enough money to buy them new
recliners.
7. She felt them hug her, and she felt the tears welling up in her eyes.
Angela still was not sure exactly what career she would choose that would enable her to afford two nice recliners
on top of all the other expenses she would have, but she knew that by activating her unconscious mind like this
she was going to trust that she would stay the course, even when things got hard. She was also growing more
confident because of her self awareness; she was in touch with what she cared about and what brought her joy,
and she knew her core values and the non-cognitive competencies she needed to continue to develop to make
this dream a reality.
With this new knowledge, she decided that it couldn’t hurt to visit the Career Services department at her college.
She wondered what industries might be a good fit for her. She thought maybe a nurse or a counselor, but she
wanted to talk with someone so that she could start to do some research.
What she was really learning, though, was how to start connecting her current actions, beliefs and behaviors
to her longer term goals. For example, whenever she struggled with math, she would visualize the look on
her parent’s faces and hugging them. This helped her to persevere and move past the temporary discomfort,
practicing self-control instead of throwing her text book across the room.
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References
1 Cain, Susan (2012). “The Power of Introverts.” TED Talks. Retrieved from https://www.
youtube.com/watch?v=c0KYU2j0TM4
2 Bareilles, Sara (2013). “Brave.” From The Blessed Unrest. Epic Records. Retrieved from
3 Michael Jr. (2017). “Know Your Why.” Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/
watch?v=1ytFB8TrkTo
4 Jackson, Katherine (2014). “Golden Threads—Finding Purpose in Life.” TEDx Talks. Retrieved
from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvxvpe5meQw
5 Tamashiro, Tim (2018). “How to Ikigai.” TEDxYYC. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/
watch?v=pk-PcJS2QaU
6 Pillay, Srini (2014). “To Reach Your Goals, Make a Mental Movie.” The Harvard Business
Review. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2014/03/to-reach-your-goals-make-a-mental-movie
7 Bergland, Christopher (2014). “Chronic Stress Can Damage Brain Structure and Connectivity.”
Psychology Today.
8 “The Scientific Power of Thought.” AsapSCIENCE. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/
watch?v=-v-IMSKOtoE
Expanding Your Future Self
You matter and your dreams matter. Connecting your daily actions, beliefs and habits to a larger vision—whatever
that may be—is critically important, especially when the demands of life and the feelings that accompany them grow
daunting. Even though Angela’s personal “why” does not currently represent something as huge as, say, curing
cancer or ruling the world, it is significant and personally compelling to her; compelling enough that each time she is
tempted to give up, she is willing and motivated to push through. We encourage you do do the same. Her why did
not only represent what she wants, but who she is. She is learning at great depth what brings her joy and meaning,
what her core values are, and what she wants to be remembered for. She, like you, will learn more along the way, and
as she continues to deepen and expand her vision for her future self, she can continue to update her why and return
to visualization when fear threatens her ability to do so. Remember Angela’s courage compass: Sara Bareilles does not
sing about not being afraid, she sings about being brave.
https://hbr.org/2014/03/to-reach-your-goals-make-a-mental-movie
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Abdulrahman Al Baalharith
May 10, 2020
UNST 194
Journal #3
As I am a junior student in college, there are many things that worries me while I
am studying. Today, I am going to share a situation related to what I am worried about
the most as a college student. Eventually, what worries me most in my life as a college
student is the grade level of my classes, and making a relationship with friends. So, the
two problems that I am going to talk about are the grades and the relationship. As well
as the self-limiting believes of the problems that trying to convince me.
For example, I am a hardworking student in my studies and I always try to get
the heights grades and excel all other students. However, sometimes I get confused
and stressed out if I have an exam or even homework. I just keep telling myself that I
won’t be able to do it, pass it, and even to pass the course and get a high mark. But,
after the exam and have a feedback of my homework, I reassured myself that I studied
and performed well. Furthermore, making a relationship with other friends makes me
feel uncomfortable. My friends keep telling me that it is good for everyone to have
many friends and be social. But what happened to me in the past made me careful of
not to trust everyone who wants to be a friend with me. Couple years ago, my best
friend was sick and I was with my friend all the time in the hospital. After several days,
my friend got out of the hospital and I noticed that she is not the person that I know. I
have heard from several friends complaining about my friend and I went to ask my
friend about it if it’s true or not. My friend agreed with what they said and after that
didn’t want me to be a friend with him/her. One more thing, the experience that I
recognize from this story is that if I get rid of this stress that makes my life negative, my
studies will be much more better. Also, not to trust everyone.
The greatest risk to me as a college student if I were to fully adopt those self-
limited beliefs is that when I put those believes in my head, I won’t be able to achieve
my goals and success. Furthermore, when I reflect on the problem-saturated story that
I have shared, there are many non-cognitive skills that I have learned about that would
need to focus on developing most to address the problem. The first non-cognitive skill
is that if I keep in mind that I will be able to get a high mark in all my classes, stress
and nothing else will prevent me from doing it. The second non-cognitive skill is that if I
also keep in my mind that not all people are the same and I can make a better
relationship with friends, then everything will be better than I thought. Lastly, there are
a statement about why it will be helpful for me to commit to developing these
problems. One of these statement is that it is very important for everyone to develop
their fears in order to be success in their life.