sexual psycology

  

1. What did participants think about the role of men and women in terms of orgasm during sex?

2. What role did the clitoris play in this research?

3. What did the authors think were the implications of this research (meaning what should be done given this information? What could be done to improve sexual satisfaction for everyone?)

‘‘Did You Come?’’ A Qualitative Exploration of Gender Differences in Beliefs,
Experiences, and Concerns Regarding Female Orgasm Occurrence During

Heterosexual Sexual Interactions

Claire M. A. Salisbury
Department of Psychology,

Western University

William A. Fisher
Department of Psychology and Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology,

Western University

This study explored gender differences in young adult heterosexual men’s and women’s
experiences, beliefs, and concerns regarding the occurrence or nonoccurrence of orgasm
during sexual interactions, with emphasis on the absence of female orgasm during intercourse.
Qualitative reports were obtained from five female focus groups (N ¼ 24, M age ¼ 19.08) and
five male focus groups (N ¼ 21, M age ¼ 19.29), involving three to five participants per group.
Transcripts of the discussions were analyzed for emerging themes across focus group discus-
sions. Results indicated that, for both male and female participants, the most common concern
regarding lack of female orgasm in a partnered context focused on the negative impact this
might have on the male partner’s ego. Male and female participants also agreed that men have
the physical responsibility to stimulate their female partner to orgasm, while women have the
psychological responsibility of being mentally prepared to experience the orgasm. Men and
women tended to maintain different beliefs, however, regarding clitoral stimulation during
intercourse, as well as the importance of female orgasm for a woman’s sexual satisfaction
in a partnered context. Findings suggest foci for sexual education.

Introduction

Men and women share similar subjective sensations
of orgasm (Vance & Wagner, 1976), are able to mastur-
bate to orgasm within a similar time frame (Hite, 1976,
1982; Kinsey, Pomeroy, Martin, & Gebhard, 1953), and
share similar orgasm consistency rates via masturbation
(Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, & Michaels, 1994;
Salisbury, 2010; Wade, Kremer, & Brown, 2005). A gen-
der difference exists, however, in regard to the frequency
of orgasm experienced by men and women during sexual
interactions; men tend to experience orgasm more
consistently than do women during sexual acts with a
partner (Laumann et al., 1994). The largest discrepancy
when comparing men’s and women’s orgasm frequency
is found during the sexual act of penile-vaginal inter-
course. While the majority (over 90%) of men indicate
they usually or always orgasm during heterosexual inter-
course (Hite, 1982; Salisbury, 2010; Wade et al., 2005),

the majority (up to 70%) of women indicate they usually
do not orgasm during intercourse (Dawood, Kirk,
Bailey, Andrews, & Martin, 2005; Hite, 1976; Lloyd,
2005; Salisbury, 2010; Wade et al., 2005). Such a gender
difference in orgasm occurrence may influence men’s
and women’s perceptions, concerns, and assumptions
about the other sex’s experiences, in relation to their
own and their partner’s orgasm.

The current qualitative research focused on gender
differences in the experiences, beliefs, and concerns sur-
rounding lack of orgasm in partnered sexual interactions
within a young adult, heterosexual, nonclinical popu-
lation. Given that women are more likely than men to
experience infrequent orgasm during sexual interactions,
special attention was directed toward men’s and
women’s experiences, beliefs, and concerns surrounding
lack of female orgasm. Furthermore, because female
orgasm is least likely to occur during vaginal-penile
intercourse in comparison to manual or oral genital
stimulation (Fisher, 1973; Hite, 1976; Kinsey et al.,
1953; Laumann et al., 1994; Wade et al., 2005), and
because intercourse is the most commonly reported
behavior among men’s and women’s most recent sexual
events (in comparison to oral sex, anal sex, and

Correspondence should be addressed to Claire M. A. Salisbury,

Department of Psychology, Western University, Westminster Hall,

361 Windermere Road, London, Ontario N6A 3K7, Canada. E-mail:

csalisb2@uwo.ca

JOURNAL OF SEX RESEARCH, 51(6), 616–

631

, 2014

Copyright # The Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality

ISSN: 0022-4499 print=1559-8519 online

DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2013.838934

partnered masturbation; see Herbenick et al., 2010;
Laumann et al., 1994), concerns surrounding lack of
female orgasm during intercourse (i.e., coital orgasm)
are highlighted.

Throughout this article, the term coital orgasm is
used to refer to orgasms that occur during penile-
vaginal intercourse as opposed to other sexual acts.
Although we do not argue that orgasms experienced
during intercourse are more important than, or inher-
ently different from, orgasms experienced during
other sexual acts, we acknowledge the debate within
the literature surrounding the proposed psychologi-
cal and physiological benefits of female coital orgasm
and encourage readers to refer to relevant research
and critiques (e.g., see Brody, 2010; Levin, 2011; Prause,
2011).

Importance of Studying Orgasm in a Young Adult

Population

A variety of factors may contribute to difficulties in
sexual functioning experienced by young men and
women, including inadequate sexual education (Byers
et al., 2003; Santelli et al., 2006), limited skills in sexual
communication (Abel & Fitzgerald, 2006; Halpern-
Felsher, Kropp, Boyer, Tschann, & Ellen, 2004), and a
shorter history of sexual experiences on which to draw,
in comparison to older adults. As such, young adults
may be expected to report sexual difficulties, such as
infrequent orgasm, as a normative part of their trajectory
of learning to be sexual (O’Sullivan & Majerovich, 2008).
For example, researchers from the Canadian Contracep-
tion Study (Boroditsky, Fisher, & Bridges, 1999), ques-
tioning 1,599 women about sexual and reproductive
health issues, found that orgasm occurrence was signifi-
cantly less common among younger women than older
women of reproductive age, regardless of marital status.
Such a finding is consistent with results from Laumann
and colleagues (1994), in which young adult women
and men (ages 18 to 24) reported significantly lower
orgasm consistency across various partnered sexual
activities in comparison to older adults. Given that
orgasm is least likely to occur in younger individuals,
and that sexual experiences in both adolescence and
young adulthood may be the foundation upon which
the sexual lives of adults are based (Bickham et al.,
2007; Else-Quest, Hyde, & DeLamater, 2005), it is
important that researchers gain a better understanding
of the experiences and perceptions associated with the
lack of orgasm in a younger population.

Clitoral Stimulation and Female Orgasm

Clitoral stimulation has been found to be the primary
source of sensory input for triggering female orgasm;
even during vaginal-penile intercourse alone there is
usually some form of clitoral stimulation, either direct

or indirect (Darling, Davidson, & Cox, 1991; Hite,
1976; Masters & Johnson, 1966). Thus, sexual activities
aimed at direct clitoral stimulation have been suggested
as the most likely to maximize orgasm occurrence in
women (e.g., Griffit & Hatfield, 1985). The frequency
of female orgasm across sexual acts steadily decreases
as one considers orgasm attained through masturbation
(with, on average, the greatest amount of clitoral
stimulation), partner manual stimulation, oral stimu-
lation, and, finally, vaginal-penile intercourse (with, on
average, the least amount of clitoral stimulation;
Fisher, 1973; Fugl-Meyer, Oberg, Lundberg, Lewin, &
Fugl-Meyer, 2006; Hite, 1976; Kinsey et al., 1953;
Laumann et al., 1994; Wade et al., 2005). One can ques-
tion whether young men and women are aware of the
importance of the clitoris in triggering female orgasm,
or are knowledgeable with regard to female orgasm in
general. Wade and colleagues (2005) surveyed more than
800 undergraduate men and women (M age 19 years)
and found that women were more knowledgeable than
men about the role of the clitoris in the occurrence of
female orgasm during intercourse. Interestingly, female
knowledge of the clitoris correlated significantly with
the frequency of female orgasm during masturbation
(i.e., more clitoral knowledge was associated with
greater orgasm consistency during masturbation) but
not during intercourse. Thus, female knowledge alone
was not useful in maximizing female coital orgasm
occurrence. Even if women are knowledgeable as to
the best way to attain an orgasm, it appears that
there is something about being in a partnered sexual
interaction that impedes the chances of female orgasm
occurrence.

Inaccurate Male Assumptions and Lack of

Communication

Wade and colleagues (2005) reported that many men
are guided by inaccurate working assumptions with
regard to the clitoris and the female orgasm. More than
37% of men were incorrect in assuming that ‘‘the clitoris
is directly stimulated by (penis-vagina) intercourse,’’
and more than 32% of men were incorrect in assuming
that ‘‘most women will have an orgasm from (penis-
vagina) intercourse’’ (p. 127). In addition to these
inaccurate assumptions, many men have difficulty iden-
tifying whether a woman has had an orgasm (Hite, 1982;
Laumann et al., 1994; Roberts, Kippax, Waldby, &
Crawford, 1995). Although women’s estimates of how
often their male partners experience orgasm during sex
are quite similar to men’s reports of their own orgasm
frequency, gross overestimation is common when men
are asked the same question about their female partners
(Laumann et al., 1994, p. 115; see also Roberts et al.,
1995).

Overall, there exists a divide between the genders in
regard to knowledge surrounding female orgasm, and

FEMALE ORGASM IN HETEROSEXUAL SEXUAL INTERACTIONS

617

women do not seem to be sharing their knowledge with
men. Although communication within couples in
regard to sexual topics has been associated with both
relationship and sexual satisfaction (Byers &
Demmons, 1999; MacNeil & Byers, 2005), such com-
munication is not common (Byers & Demmons, 1999;
MacNeil & Byers, 1997), especially in couples who
experience orgasmic difficulty (Kelly, Strassberg, &
Turner, 2004). As such, many men and women may
rely on working assumptions to infer a partner’s sexual
experiences. Unfortunately, young adult men and
women are generally not very accurate in regard to
such assumptions (Miller & Byers, 2004; Simms &
Byers, 2009).

Importance of Orgasm for Men’s and Women’s Sexual

Satisfaction

Experiencing one’s own orgasm in a sexual encounter
appears to be somewhat more important for men in
comparison to women. For instance, Meston and Buss
(2007) reported that their male and female participants
ranked orgasm as the 9th and 14th most important rea-
sons for having sex, respectively. Men are also more
likely than women to endorse orgasm as one of their
primary objects of sexual desire (Mark, Fortenberry,
Herbenick, Sanders, & Reece, 2012) and as their
goal for having intercourse (Salisbury, 2010). Further-
more, after conducting 41 semi-structured interviews,
McClelland (2011) found that all of her male parti-
cipants, but none of her female participants, reported
that ‘‘having an orgasm was an important benchmark
for determining sexual satisfaction’’ (p. 311). While
these studies demonstrate that orgasm during sexual
interaction is relatively less important for women than
it is for men, there is currently a lack of agreement in
regard to exactly how important orgasm is for a
woman’s sexual satisfaction.

Some research has demonstrated that infrequent
female orgasm is not associated with decreased sexual
or relationship satisfaction or with decreased pleasure
derived from intercourse for women (Fisher, 1973; Hite,
1976; Wallin, 1960; Waterman & Chiauzzi, 1982).
An in-depth interview study by Nicolson and Burr
(2003) found that several female respondents reported
sexual pleasure was much broader than orgasm during
a sexual encounter, and sensuality and physical affection
were equally, or even more, satisfying than orgasm per
se for these women. On the other hand, a few studies
have demonstrated that orgasm is important for a
woman’s sexual satisfaction (e.g., Fugl-Meyer et al.,
2006; Kelly et al., 2004; Sigusch & Schmidt, 1971).
Attempting to understand such discrepancies in the
literature as to the importance of orgasm for women,
Laan and Rellini (2011) determined that women who
found it easier to orgasm were also more likely to
regard orgasm as important. Such a finding led these

researchers to conclude that ‘‘orgasms are important
for women’s sexual satisfaction, and that placing less
importance on orgasms is related to women’s lesser
consistency of orgasm during partnered sexual activity
and not to orgasms being less important per se’’
(p. 331).

Concern About Lack of Female Orgasm

While the importance of orgasm for women in
relation to their sexual satisfaction has varied across pre-
vious studies, the fact remains that infrequent orgasm
occurrence poses a potential challenge for a large pro-
portion of women. The majority of women are not able
to reliably experience orgasm during sexual activity with
a partner, and around 10% are never able to experience
orgasm in any situation (Dawood et al., 2005; Lloyd,
2005). Furthermore, orgasmic difficulties are the first
or second most frequently reported sexual concern by
women in both nonclinical samples and those seeking
sex therapy (Fugl-Meyer & Sjoren Fugl-Meyer, 1999;
Laumann et al., 1994; Meston, Hull, Levin, & Sipski,
2007; Meston, Levin, Sipski, Hull, & Heiman, 2004;
Sidi, Puteh, Abdullah, & Midin, 2007; Spector &
Carey, 1990). The specific content of such concerns,
however, has not been thoroughly addressed in previous
studies.

Why may women be concerned about their lack of
orgasm in partnered sexual interactions, especially
given findings that seem to show orgasm may not be
necessary for women’s sexual satisfaction? Some clues
may come from Nicolson and Burr’s (2003) in-depth
interviews with 33 women, aged 19 to 60 years
(M age 28 years). These investigators reported that
these women ‘‘seemed less concerned with achieving
orgasm through heterosexual intercourse for themsel-
ves . . . there was, however, evidence of a strong desire
to experience orgasm in this way for the sake of their
male partners’’ (p. 1735, emphasis added). This finding
seems to suggest that female concerns regarding lack of
personal orgasm in a sexual encounter may focus on
the male partner and not on the self. Whether or not
such findings hold true in a sample limited to young
adults coming of age sexually is unclear. Furthermore,
Nicolson and Burr’s (2003) study did not shed light on
men’s concerns associated with lack of their female
partner’s orgasm.

Current Study

Given substantial gender differences in the frequency
of orgasm occurrence during sexual interactions, the
lack of sexual communication that characterizes many
couples, and an apparent reliance on assumptions
about a partner’s sexual experiences and preferences, it
is possible that other gender differences exist in regard
to the concerns, thoughts, and feelings men and women

SALISBURY AND FISHER

618

have regarding their own and their partner’s orgasm.
The purpose of the current study was to qualitatively
explore gender differences in the experiences, beliefs,
and concerns regarding the occurrence and nonoccur-
rence of orgasm during heterosexual sexual interactions,
with a particular emphasis on absence of female orgasm
during intercourse. We examined this issue among
young adult, heterosexually active, male and female
university students who were at an age of emerging
sexuality and who report the lowest orgasm consistency
in comparison to older age groups (Boroditsky et al.,
1999; Laumann et al., 1994).

Method

Participants

A total of 24 undergraduate women from an Ontario
university participated in female focus group discus-
sions. Participants’ ages ranged from 18 to 22 years
(M ¼ 19.08, SD ¼ 1.38), and 21 (87.50%) identified as
Caucasian, one (4.17%) as South East Asian, one
(4.17%) as Korean, and one (4.17%) as Chinese. In
all, 19 (79.17%) were dating one person exclusively, four
(16.67%) were dating, but not exclusively, and one
(4.17%) was not dating anyone. All but one female par-
ticipant had experienced sexual intercourse. Of those
who had experienced intercourse, the mean number of
lifetime intercourse partners was 2.74 (SD ¼ 2.18, range
1 to 9), and the mean age at first intercourse experience
was 17.08 years (SD ¼ 1.56, range 15 to 22). Only one
(4.17%) female participant reported never having
experienced orgasm. Among men, 21 undergraduate
men from the same university participated in male focus
group discussions. Ages ranged from 18 to 21 years
(M ¼ 19.29, SD ¼ 1.27), and 17 (80.95%) participants
identified as Caucasian, one (4.76%) as Korean,
one (4.76%) as Black, and two (9.52%) as ‘‘Other.’’
Thirteen (61.90%) were not dating anyone at the time,
five (23.81%) were dating one person exclusively, two
(9.52%) were dating but not exclusively, and one
(4.76%) was married. All male participants had experi-
enced sexual intercourse, reporting a mean age at first
intercourse experience of 16.24 years (SD ¼ 1.30, range
13 to 18), and a mean number of lifetime intercourse
partners of 6.43 (SD ¼ 6.06, range 2 to 27). All male
participants reported having experienced orgasm. Parti-
cipants were recruited through an undergraduate psy-
chology research pool and an undergraduate human
sexuality course. Those from the research pool received
two research credits for participation and those from the
sexuality course received neither credits nor monetary
compensation. Participation was limited to those who
had been heterosexually active (i.e., had at least one sex-
ual interaction with a person of the other sex in their
lifetime).

Measures

Demographic and Sexual Experience Questionnaire.
A Demographic and Sexual Experience Questionnaire,
assessing participants’ demographic information and
sexual experience, was developed for this study.

Focus group guides. Female and male focus group
discussion guides were developed for this study (see
Appendix). Overall, 32 specific questions were asked.
The female focus group guide was divided into sections
concerning women’s sexuality, orgasm experience, lack
of orgasm, the male partner, communication, faking
orgasms, masturbation, and sex toys. The male focus
group guide was divided into sections concerning men’s
sexuality, male and female orgasm, communication,
faking orgasm, clitoral stimulation, and sex toys.
Although the majority of questions regarding orgasm
occurrence did not specify a particular sexual context,
a few questions were focused particularly on sexual
intercourse for reasons previously discussed.

Procedure

Five female focus groups were conducted with four to
five participants in each group. Focus group discussions
were facilitated by the female author and, for two
groups, with the assistance of a female graduate student.
Five male focus groups were conducted with three to
five participants in each group. Male focus group discus-
sions were facilitated by the female author and a male
graduate student. Given the potentially sensitive nature
of the focus group discussions, we thought it beneficial
to have a male discussion leader present for the male
focus groups, taking the main role of presenting the
questions to the participants. Our hope was that a male
focus group leader would facilitate open and honest
discussion of how men felt.

Prior to focus group discussion, each participant
signed an informed consent sheet after reading a study
information document, which included the instruction,
‘‘You do not need to answer any questions you do not
feel comfortable answering and you can leave the
discussion at any time’’ (although all questions were
answered by each participant and no one left the
discussion). Each participant also filled out the paper-
and-pencil Demographic and Sexual Experience Ques-
tionnaire. It was clearly explained to participants that
diverse responses to focus group questions were accept-
able and consensus was not necessary, as there were no
right or wrong answers. Participants were asked to
respect the request not to disclose anything said in the
discussion and not to provide any identifying infor-
mation during the discussion. While a considerable
number of questions were posed, a consistent flow of
discussion was maintained across all groups, with the
aim of generating the experience of an informal

FEMALE ORGASM IN HETEROSEXUAL SEXUAL INTERACTIONS

619

conversation among attendees. On occasion, discussion
naturally led to addressing a question out of order in
relation to the focus group guide. When this occurred,
after the question was discussed, the focus group leader
resumed addressing the remaining questions in
sequence. To gather more information regarding beliefs
and experiences surrounding lack of female orgasm,
focus group leaders would sometimes pose follow-up
inquiries (not listed in the focus group guide) specifically
regarding orgasm in the context of sexual intercourse.
Discussions lasted between 60 to 90 minutes and, with
permission granted from all participants, the discussions
were audio recorded in order to identify emerging
themes at a later time. Once the group discussions were
complete, all participants were debriefed, given an
opportunity to ask questions, and provided with refer-
ences concerning sexual function.

Focus groups were limited to a maximum of five part-
icipants so that each person would have as much time as
desired to respond, while at the same allowing discus-
sions to conclude within a reasonable time frame, reduc-
ing the chance of participant fatigue and disinterest. The
use of fewer participants in some groups was due to the
limited availability of participants to meet at the same
time and location. A smaller number of focus group
participants did not appear to hamper discussion and
in fact allowed more time for richer descriptions of
participants’ experiences. All study procedures were
approved by the university’s research ethics board.

Data Analysis

Female and male focus group data were coded and
analyzed separately, implementing a phenomenological
approach (Moustakas, 1994) to investigate the subjec-
tive experiences of male and female participants regard-
ing orgasm occurrence in partnered sexual interactions.
Each focus group discussion was transcribed verbatim,
and, separately for the female and male focus groups,
all responses to each focus group question were grouped
together. Next, the transcriptions were broken down
into three equal sections to facilitate coding, and each
section was reviewed independently by the lead author
and one other coder to identify predominant and recur-
ring themes, both within each question and across ques-
tions. Each coder had access to recordings of the
discussions to confirm interpretation of the transcripts,
if needed. For each question, and independently for each
coder, responses expressing similar ideas were coded
together, and the most common responses for each
question were documented. Finally, two lists of the most
common and recurring themes (for the male and female
focus groups separately) were identified via reference to
coded themes and discussion to consensus between the
coders. Any disparities that arose between coders were
addressed by having the coders reanalyze particular

statements and themes together and then coming to
agreement on the themes represented. Quotations were
selected from transcripts to illustrate identified themes.

Results and

Discussion

The themes reported represented the most common
responses elicited within and across male and female
focus groups discussions. Unless stated otherwise, the
themes should not be taken to suggest that every male
or every female participant held such an opinion or
experience. The focus group guide question number to
which participants were responding appears in parenth-
eses after each quotation.

Female Focus Groups

Six themes emerged from analysis of the female focus
group discussions.

Males are responsible for the physical stimulation of
females to orgasm. Women viewed responsibility for
the occurrence of female orgasm as falling on both the
male and female partner but in very different ways.
Men were seen as having the physical responsibility of
properly stimulating the woman to orgasm, whereas
women were seen as having the psychological responsi-
bility to remain in the proper mindset and focus their
attention on the stimulation they were receiving. Thus,
whereas female participants saw men as responsible
for giving the woman an orgasm, they saw women as
responsible for being psychologically ready to receive
the orgasm. Following are some illustrative quotes:

I think [responsibility for female orgasm] it’s more physi-
cal for the guy and emotional for the girl. (Question 17)

I think mostly [female orgasm is] the guy’s responsi-
bility, but if you’re not going to let him make you feel
good, like if you’re going to shut yourself off, then
you’re inhibiting it. (Question 17)

My boyfriend can do the exact same thing twice, and
one night he can [make me orgasm] and the second night
he can do the exact same thing and I might not come. It
depends on your mindset, and if you’re stressed out then
you’re probably not going to. If you think you’re not,
then you’re probably not going to. It’s all in your mind.
You have to relax, and you can’t think about other
stuff . . . . There’s only so much a guy can do, and the
rest of it is up to you and if you’re willing to do it.
(Question 17)

Female orgasm is not necessary for women’s sexual
satisfaction during partnered interactions. Women
viewed female sexual satisfaction as not being dependent
on the occurrence of female orgasm, and instead they
viewed female orgasm as a ‘‘bonus’’ and not the goal,

SALISBURY AND FISHER

620

or even a goal, of sexual interactions (particularly
intercourse), as the following quotes demonstrate:

I don’t think it’s important to have an orgasm [during
intercourse] every time since it’s difficult, and I don’t
think that the act of sex is to have an orgasm. It’s not
the goal. The goal of sex is to be intimate with your part-
ner and show them you care and that you love them, and
if you have an orgasm that’s just beneficiary [sic].
(Question 7)

It doesn’t really bother me [if I don’t orgasm] . . . . I think
it’s the act of pleasuring each other and being able
to satisfy the other person [that’s more important].
(Question 11)

[Female orgasm during intercourse] is not important,
but it is a plus. As long as the woman enjoys herself,
why is an orgasm important? The whole point is to have
a good time. An orgasm would just be icing on the cake.
(Question 7)

If the partner truly tried to please you and sexual
activity was still pleasurable, then personally [not having
an orgasm] would not bother me as much. (Question 11)

I don’t think [female orgasm during intercourse is]
important, but I think she should feel satisfied. Because
there are times when I haven’t had an orgasm but I’ve
still been satisfied. (Question 7)

Female orgasm is more important for the male partner
than the female partner. Women expressed the view
that the importance of female orgasm rested not with
increasing the female’s sexual satisfaction and physical
pleasure but, rather, paradoxically rested with a concern
for the male partner’s feelings and perceptions. Specifi-
cally, women’s concerns about lack of female orgasm
centered on concern about the male partner’s ego and
sense of himself as a good or competent lover in
response to not being able to ‘‘give’’ her an orgasm, as
the following quotes illustrate:

She is most concerned about her partner feeling inad-
equate [if she doesn’t orgasm]. Like, he didn’t do a good
job, and it hurts his self-esteem. And the annoying ques-
tion, ‘‘Did you finish?’’ as if sex is now goal oriented
instead of enjoyed. (Question 13)

I think the guy almost feels more satisfied [than his part-
ner] half the time when you orgasm. They feel like the
hero or something . . . . Their ego is so big when they
know that they have accomplished [the female orgasm],
so I almost feel that it’s more satisfying for them than it
is for you. (Question 13)

It’s not like I have to [orgasm] for the man, but I feel bad
when I’m really stressed and just can’t really get into it—
I shouldn’t have started having sex in the first place in
that situation. He’s trying really hard, but you’re just
like, I feel bad because he’d be disappointed if I didn’t
[orgasm]. (Question 13)

If you’ve been working on it for a long time and
don’t [have an orgasm], I’d be concerned with what
he’s thinking and if he’s coming down on himself.
(Question 13)

Concern for the male partner’s feelings and perceptions
was also evident when women discussed the issue of
faking orgasms to avoid negative partner reactions, as
these quotes demonstrate:

I think that if you don’t [orgasm during intercourse], the
guy just feels like he isn’t good, or failed, or is not doing
something right . . . . Then you feel pressured to fake it,
but you don’t want to fake it because you want to be
honest, so then it’s just awkward. (Question 7)

I definitely don’t think it’s a good thing to fake it, but at
the same time I still think it happens. Like it’s still kind
of embarrassing if you can’t please the other person and
you wouldn’t want him to feel embarrassed, especially if
things are going well and you’re in a relationship and
you don’t want him to feel inadequate or embarrassed
so you may be having a good time but you may not
completely orgasm, so you fake it a little bit. It does
happen. Like you shouldn’t do it, but you want to save
the person you care about from being embarrassed.
(Question 23)

Sometimes you have to [fake orgasm] because you’re
going to upset the person. (Question 7)

Reliance on working assumptions and lack of commu-
nication. Women assumed that men highly value the
occurrence of female orgasm during sexual interactions,
and that men judge themselves and=or their female
partners harshly if the female partner does not have an
orgasm. However, direct communication between
partners with regard to the lack of female orgasm was
reported as being uncommon, and the accuracy of
women’s assumptions about men’s reactions to the lack
of female orgasm in sexual encounters was not tested, as
these quotes illustrate:

He didn’t say anything [after I did not orgasm during
intercourse], but he obviously felt deficient. (Question 18)

I don’t really see that much change in their mood [given
lack of female orgasm], but deep down it’s kind of, like,
[it] really hurts their ego. It’s like they let you down type
thing. But they would never come out and say it, because
they don’t want to admit they’re wrong type thing.
(Question 18)

I think he’ll be silent [after a lack of female orgasm
during intercourse], because he’s ashamed. He doesn’t
know what to do and he failed, and when you fail you
just don’t want to talk about it. (Question 18)

Guys, as far as I know, are really emotional [given lack
of female orgasm during intercourse]. They just don’t
like to say that they are. (Question 18)

FEMALE ORGASM IN HETEROSEXUAL SEXUAL INTERACTIONS

621

Superiority of male concerns over female physical
pleasure. Women’s concern for the male partner’s feel-
ings, ego, and judgments inhibited them from acting on
their own sexual desires. For example, even if desired,
women tended not to request clitoral stimulation or
engage in self-stimulation during intercourse or during
other sexual activity given fear their partner would feel
incompetent or would judge them. In line with this con-
cern, although interpersonal communication regarding
sexual self-disclosure was perceived by women to be very
important for the attainment of sexual satisfaction,
making suggestions as to how a male partner might
improve or change his technique was seen as devastating
to a man’s self-esteem. Illustrative quotes included:

I don’t know if I would ever ask for [more clitoral stimu-
lation]. Especially ’cause if you’ve just had sex and you
didn’t have an orgasm, I think I’d be a little bit
uncomfortable asking for that afterwards because he
definitely knows that he didn’t do it for you and that
you still want more. (Question 14)

[Self-stimulation during sexual intercourse] is very
embarrassing, uncomfortable. I don’t know, maybe
I’m just not there yet. If I do it on my own then no
one knows about it, but if I do it in front of somebody,
then they know and maybe he’ll think worse of me.
(Question 28)

[Communication on sexual preferences] is difficult
especially since you never know how he’s going to
respond. Even if you’re in a long-term relationship and
you’ve never communicated like that before, it’s always
hard to initiate it and you don’t know how he’s going to
respond or if he’s going to take it offensively if he’s not
doing something right. (Question 21)

Orgasm beliefs and concerns differ between casual
versus relationship sexual interactions. Women sponta-
neously discussed the importance of the type of relation-
ship a woman has with her sexual partner (e.g., a casual
sexual relationship with one or few sexual interactions
versus a committed romantic relationship with repeated
sexual interactions) in determining their responses to
questions about orgasm occurrence. For instance, in a
casual sexual encounter, women thought that female
orgasm was not very important for men, and faking
female orgasm was more acceptable. Furthermore,
communication with regard to sexual preferences and
orgasm was viewed to be more difficult in this context.
In a committed romantic relationship, however, women
thought that female orgasm was very important to the
male partner, and faking orgasm was not acceptable.
Overall, communication with regard to sexual preferences
was judged as easier in this context but was still viewed as
quite difficult. Following are some illustrative quotes:

If they’re just hooking up with you then they’re not
going to care as much [about your orgasm] because

they’ll probably never see you again or, if I do [see him
again], it’ll probably be an awkward encounter and it’ll
never happen again. So a one-night stand for a reason.
But for a relationship I think it means a bit more to
them to satisfy your needs as much as theirs. Give and
take. (Question 16)

If you’re just hooking up with someone, like a one-
night stand thing, where you really didn’t care about
them and you just want to get [sex] over and done
with . . . in that situation I think [faking an orgasm]
would be okay, but otherwise I don’t see why you would
do it. If you want to build a relationship, it should be
built on trust and honesty. And if you can’t be honest
during sex, then how can you be honest about anything
else? It’s the easiest thing to be honest about, really.
(Question 24)

Male Focus Groups

Seven themes emerged from analysis of the male
focus group discussions.

Male coital orgasm is very important for men. For
men, the occurrence of their own orgasm during inter-
course was extremely important and was expected to be
a common occurrence. As such, if a man wanted and
was trying to have an orgasm yet could not, this lack
of orgasm would be quite frustrating for him, with the
primary concern being self-focused on a lack of pleasure
and associated discomfort. Illustrative quotes included:

[My coital orgasm is] very important, I’d say . . . with
guys, it’s kind of like, if you don’t orgasm, there’s no
point. (Question 7)

[My coital orgasm] is vital, I’d say. I wouldn’t consider it
sex unless I had an orgasm. (Question 7)

You kind of have to [orgasm during intercourse] or else
you’re in somewhat of a painful situation afterwards,
which is not too enjoyable. When I first started seeing
the girl I’m with right now, I got harsh blue balls and
I had to go to work afterward, and it was the most
stressful three hours of my life, because I couldn’t move
my hip area without it hurting a lot. (Question 7)

I think all guys would be concerned about [not having
an orgasm] because they didn’t get the pleasure.
(Question 11)

Only two male participants brought up a partner-
focused concern that a female partner would judge
herself negatively if he did not have an orgasm, as this
quote illustrates:

Um, definitely he’d be most concerned about his part-
ner’s reaction . . . . The girl’s going to look at him like,
‘‘Why didn’t you come? Was it me?’’ You know, girls
start being like, ‘‘You’re not into me? Was it a pity fuck?
What was it?’’ (Question 11)

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622

Females are perceived to have a strong desire for
personal coital orgasm. Men assumed that female
orgasm during intercourse was very important to
women given the sexual pleasure that could be attained
from orgasm. Moreover, the importance of female
orgasm was said to be greatest for a woman in a casual
sexual encounter (e.g., one-night stand) in comparison
to a woman in a relationship. Illustrative quotes
included:

I think [coital orgasm for women is] really important,
especially if it’s just, like, a one-night stand kind of
thing. Like that’s what they’re there for. So if you
brought a girl home on a one-night stand and she wasn’t
satisfied, then that kind of just defeated the purpose for
her. (Question 16)

It would be the same for any human being—if you want
to have sex, you want to have orgasm. You want to;
that’s the point. (Question 16)

It depends on the relationship. If it’s a one-night stand,
she would probably want to orgasm to satisfy herself.
But, like, in a relationship, she’ll also want to orgasm
too, but she’s not going to like get mad if she doesn’t
orgasm. (Question 16)

Female orgasm is extremely sexually satisfying and
important for men. Men viewed the occurrence of
female orgasm as extremely satisfying and extremely
important for men, and the majority of male parti-
cipants listed the occurrence of female orgasm as one
of the most sexually satisfying experiences men could
have. In agreement with women in the female focus
groups, men believed that it was their physical responsi-
bility to give their female partner an orgasm, with the
female partner bearing the psychological responsibility
of being prepared to receive the orgasm. Overall,
primary importance of the female orgasm for men rested
on the sense of personal accomplishment men felt after
having given their female partners an orgasm. Illustra-
tive quotes for this theme follow:

For me, I really enjoy, or find sex extremely satisfying, if
whoever I’m having sex with orgasms at least once. I
personally find it sexually satisfying. If the female . . . just
just doesn’t have an orgasm, I’m always kind of down
about it, regardless of the fact that I’ve had one. So,
for me, a satisfying experience would definitely involve
my partner’s orgasm, and then followed by my own.
(Question 4)

I think [female orgasm] serves as a confidence boost for
men. (Question 17)

I’d say [her orgasm is] essential to a satisfactory experi-
ence for most men. (Question 17)

If you’re trying to and she doesn’t [orgasm], then that’s
like upsetting. But if you do and she does, it’s a pretty
big accomplishment. (Question 17)

I think [female orgasm is] definitely important, um,
because the man again is that sort of leader. It’s almost
like his job to make it happen, you know? He’s got to be
the one who leads it for the female to have an orgasm.
(Question 17)

I could argue that [female orgasm is] the woman’s
psychological responsibility, because if a man was able
to produce an orgasm in a female on one occurrence,
and let’s say he does the exact same thing the next time
and she doesn’t orgasm, then you could say that maybe
it’s just something psychologically with her, like
something’s bothering her or the moment’s not right
or something. (Question 15)

Lack of female orgasm is very distressing for men..
For men, the lack of female orgasm during sexual
interactions was said to elicit a negative reaction in the
man, especially within a relationship context. The most
common male concern associated with lack of female
orgasm was self-focused, in terms of judging his own
abilities as a sexual partner. The second most common
concern about lack of female orgasm in a sexual interac-
tion was partner focused, in terms of worrying that the
female partner did not attain all of the pleasure she
could have if orgasm had occurred. Such concern was
expressed only in connection with lack of female orgasm
in committed relationships and not within casual sexual
encounters. Following are some illustrative quotes:

[Lack of female orgasm] would bother most men, I
think, just ’cause they’d feel like they didn’t do, perform,
like they should have. It was their own shortcoming that
didn’t bring on orgasm. I’d say most men are bothered
just because they would feel embarrassed that they
didn’t bring on an orgasm. Maybe they didn’t have
the sexual prowess to, uh, accomplish that in their
partner. (Question 18)

I think it’s only natural to look at yourself and probably
blame yourself to an extent. Even though there’s count-
less factors that could have contributed [to the lack of
female orgasm during intercourse], it could be com-
pletely not your fault, but the guy has most of the
responsibility to make the female orgasm. So, if she
doesn’t then the onus was on you, then it was your fault.
At least I would take it personally. (Question 19)

[Lack of female coital orgasm] affects the male ego com-
pletely and that’s the only thing, unless you’re in a
relationship. [In a relationship,] I make her come and
I’m happy for her, kind of thing, because I made the girl
that I love, like, have pleasure. (Question 19)

If there’s a close relationship you will probably want to
please your girlfriend, so you want to give her satisfac-
tion. So, you feel kind of crappy [if she does not
orgasm]. (Question 18)

Furthermore, in relation to occasional lack of female
orgasm, men reported being highly motivated to make

FEMALE ORGASM IN HETEROSEXUAL SEXUAL INTERACTIONS

623

their partner orgasm in the future. However, such
motivation decreased if lack of female orgasm was a
common occurrence during sexual interactions.
Repeated lack of female orgasm was said to have a
negative effect on the relationship. Illustrative quotes
follow:

I’d say, yeah, you’re definitely more motivated to make
her come the next time if you don’t [make her orgasm]
the first time. (Question 23)

Personally for me though, after [she doesn’t orgasm], I’ll
try new things, keep trying, and if it doesn’t work,
eventually there’s a certain point in time when you’re
like, I’m out of here! What else can I do at this point?
Like, I don’t know. Like, I think, personally, for me it
would really affect me negatively if down the road I
tried everything for her and it still doesn’t work. It’s
like, well, maybe we’re just not sexually compatible.
(Question 22)

[Lack of female orgasm] definitely becomes an issue and
becomes sexually unsatisfying, um, it puts stress on a
relationship. The men begin to feel emasculated because
they feel like they’re not doing what they need to be
doing, or what they should be, and so it becomes a bit
of an issue for both parties. But I think on a whole
it’s, um, especially for the woman, it becomes an issue,
her feeling unfulfilled and the men’s sense of guilt at
that, so it definitely affects relationships, and uh, creates
a lot of stress within them. (Question 22)

Positive and encouraging view of (manual) clitoral sti-
mulation. Men were exceedingly motivated to increase
a female partner’s sexual pleasure. Accordingly, men
expressed extremely positive reactions to (a) stimulating
their female partner’s clitoris during intercourse, (b) the
female self-stimulating her clitoris during intercourse,
and (c) their female partner asking for additional clitoral
stimulation. Only one male participant brought up a
concern with regard to clitoral stimulation, such that
he said he would question his abilities if his partner
asked for such stimulation. Many men indicated that
they wished women would ask for and engage in clitoral
stimulation during intercourse more often, as such beha-
viors were said to serve as a turn-on for men and to
teach them what their female partner enjoys.

Illustrative quotes regarding stimulating a partner’s
clitoris follow:

I encourage [stimulating her clitoris during intercourse].
The more, the better. (Question 31)

I definitely think [stimulating her clitoris during inter-
course] is a good idea, because you might not always
be able to be that incredible with your penis and, depen-
ding on some positions, it can be really hot. (Question 31)

We all love it! It helps the girl get off faster.
(Question 31)

Illustrative quotes regarding a woman stimulating her
clitoris were:

Definitely a turn-on! (Question 30)

I love it! (Question 30)

I don’t think it’s an insult to the guy at all [if she stimu-
lates her clitoris during intercourse]. There’s a lot of
positions that it’s not very easy for the guy to stimulate
the girl’s clitoris, and it may be way easier for her to do
it. When you’re having sex it’s not about who’s doing
more work, so if the girl is in a position where she
experiences more pleasure when we’re doing it, then
that’s a good thing. (Question 30)

Illustrative quotes regarding women asking for clitoral
stimulation included:

That’s a turn-on! (Question 32)

Why not? I think communication is amazing. I think [a
woman asking for clitoral stimulation] actually adds to
the sexual pleasure of both parties. (Question 32)

It wouldn’t bother me at all. I ask for things during sex
on a regular basis, and so if she asks for it, it wouldn’t
bother me one bit, and I would do it, and I would ask
how she wanted it and, uh, and just ensure that I was
giving her the pleasure she desired. So, yeah, I wouldn’t
think twice about not doing it if she asked. I’d just do it.
It wouldn’t bother me one bit. (Question 32)

Such clitoral stimulation appeared to be interpreted by
the men to mean manual clitoral stimulation, as their
extremely positive reactions to such stimulation disap-
peared as soon as a vibrator was the specified source
of the stimulation. The majority of men expressed either
indifference or a negative reaction concerning the use of
a vibrator (by them or their partner) during sexual inter-
actions. Thus, something about the addition of this sex
toy tended to dampen men’s desire to have women
experience as much sexual pleasure as possible, as these
quotes illustrate:

I wouldn’t enjoy it. (Question 34)

I don’t think I’d like [the introduction of a vibrator] a
lot. Because I feel like she needs something else, like,
not just me. She wants something else involved, so I’d
feel incompetent. (Question 34)

I wouldn’t say [the introduction of a vibrator into the
sexual experience] has a negative effect, but I wouldn’t
say it’s a turn-on. I wouldn’t be excited about it, but it
wouldn’t bother me at all. (Question 34)

Importance of female communication on lack of
orgasm occurrence. Men reported that communication
about lack of female orgasm is very important within a
relationship so that men can work toward employing

SALISBURY AND FISHER

624

different techniques to give their partner an orgasm in
future scenarios. However, men generally preferred that
their female relationship partner be the one to communi-
cate her lack of orgasm, given that men tended not to
want to bring this topic up directly themselves. If men
did bring up the topic, it tended to be indirectly
(e.g., asking, ‘‘Was it good for you?’’), waiting for the
woman to take the lead in discussing orgasm specifically.
Illustrative quotes for this theme follow:

I hate it if [women] don’t specify if they came or not.
(Question 26)

[Communication on orgasm occurrence] is vital. If you
don’t talk to each other, um, you know, you can just
get stuck in a rut and create real issues in the relation-
ship. I think if one or both partners are dissatisfied
and are unwilling to talk about it, you’re never going
to become sexually satisfied in the relationship, and so
there needs to be, um, regular communication on your
sex life with your partner. (Question 25)

I discuss, you know, what she enjoyed and didn’t enjoy
instead of saying, ‘‘Did you come? Did you like that?’’ It
seems sort of putting her on the spot, and you’re just like
asking for trouble. (Question 24)

The importance of such communication of the lack of
female orgasm was evident in the preference that every
man had for the woman in a relationship to not fake
an orgasm. Instead, the majority of men preferred their
relationship partner to directly communicate the truth if
she did not orgasm during a sexual interaction. This was
in contrast to a casual sexual encounter scenario where,
if the woman did not orgasm, men preferred that she
fake an orgasm. Illustrative quotes follow:

I’d prefer she’d communicate with me [if she didn’t
orgasm during intercourse]. I definitely wouldn’t want
her to fake it or anything. I would definitely want a con-
versation about it and see what could be done to rectify
the situation. (Question 29)

Personally, communicate with me [your lack of
orgasm]. Be like, ‘‘Hey, uh, it wasn’t very good. Um,
can you do this next time?’’ . . . I definitely want her to
not fake it . . . . I definitely want it to be communicated
after. (Question 29)

[My preference] would probably have to depend on the
situation again, because if it’s just a one-time thing, like
actually a one-time thing, you’ll never see this person
again, I’d probably prefer that she fakes [if she doesn’t
orgasm] just because it wouldn’t matter to me, and it
would make me feel better in the long run. But if it were
a relationship then . . . like, not fake it. (Question 29)

Orgasm beliefs and concerns differ between casual
versus relationship sexual interactions. As is clear
from some of the preceding themes, men spontaneously

discussed the importance of distinguishing the type of
relationship (e.g., casual versus committed) a man has
with his sexual partner in framing their responses to
many questions regarding orgasm. Within a casual
sexual encounter, men’s goals are focused on the self
(as opposed to the partner), with the attainment of per-
sonal orgasm in both men and women holding great
importance. Given the reduced attention on the sexual
partner, female orgasm is not as important for men,
honest communication about orgasm occurrence is less
desired, and faking orgasm is acceptable within this con-
text. In terms of sexual encounters within a committed
romantic relationship, men’s goals are focused both on
the self and the partner, the occurrence of female
orgasm is very important, honest communication
between committed partners regarding orgasm is
desired, and faking female orgasm is not acceptable.
Illustrative quotes for this theme follow:

I think the goal of sex is to please yourself first and fore-
most, especially if it’s a one-night stand. But if it’s a
relationship, then the reason why you’re having sex, or
the goal of sex, is to become closer to the one you love
and to please them in ways that, like, they really need
to be pleased. (Question 2)

In a relationship [female orgasm] is more important,
’cause I want to make her happy. But in a one-night
stand, what the hell do I care? (Question 17)

I don’t think something like faking would pull off in,
like, a relationship. But if it’s a one-night stand or just
someone to sleep with, like, it really has no meaning.
[Faking] probably wouldn’t really matter then.
(Question 27)

If it was my girlfriend then, yeah, I’d want her to tell me
[if she didn’t orgasm]. But if it was just a one-night
stand, I wouldn’t care. (Question 29)

Discussion

This research adopted a qualitative approach to
explore potential gender differences in young adult
men’s and women’s experiences, assumptions, and con-
cerns surrounding their own and their partner’s orgasms
with a primary focus on lack of female orgasm during
heterosexual sexual interactions, particularly intercourse.

Shared Beliefs: The Male Responsibility for Female

Orgasm and the Male Ego

Men and women in our focus groups were in agree-
ment on two main concepts: the man’s responsibility
to physically produce female orgasm, and the signifi-
cance of the male ego in connection with female orgasm
occurrence and nonoccurrence. The most common
concern reported by both our male and female parti-
cipants in regard to lack of female orgasm in a sexual

FEMALE ORGASM IN HETEROSEXUAL SEXUAL INTERACTIONS

625

interaction focused on the male partner’s judgment of
himself as a lover and the associated negative impact
lack of female orgasm would have on his self-esteem.
This finding, that women tend to place emphasis on
how their partner may feel in regard to the occurrence
of female orgasm, potentially over and above their
own desire for greater sexual satisfaction, is consistent
with findings about women’s motivations to fake
orgasm (see Bryan, 2001; Thompson & Muehlenhard,
2003). For instance, Muehlenhard and Shippee
(2010) found that college women’s most frequently men-
tioned reason for faking orgasm was to avoid negative
consequences, particularly in regard to hurting their
partner’s feelings. We speculate that such an emphasis
on the male ego in relation to female orgasm is associa-
ted with the other shared belief men and women had in
our sample: that men have the physical responsibility to
stimulate their female partner to orgasm, while women
have the psychological responsibility of being mentally
prepared to experience (or receive) the orgasm. The
existence of such beliefs is not novel (see Hite, 1982;
Muehlenhard & Shippee, 2010; Roberts et al., 1995).
With the expectation that men have sole physical
responsibility to produce female orgasm, it is not
surprising that our male participants reported judging
themselves negatively if they were unsuccessful in their
attempts to fulfill this obligation. Nor is it surprising,
given this expectation, that our female participants
tended to infer damage to their partner’s self-esteem,
even though direct communication regarding men’s
concerns about lack of female orgasm was reported as
uncommon.

The focus on a man’s ability to be a skillful lover has
been addressed in previous studies (e.g., Duncombe &
Marsden, 1996; Mansfield, McAllister, & Collard, 1992;
Roberts et al., 1995). For example, in an in-depth inter-
view study with 15 women and 15 men (18 to 50 years of
age), Braun, Gavey, and McPhillips (2003) concluded,
‘‘If a woman does not have an orgasm she . . .
(potentially) lets down her male partner, as her lack of
orgasm undoubtedly reflects badly on his performance
as a ‘good lover’ ’’ (p. 252). Such a focus on the male
partner appears to be in line with the notion of cultu-
rally derived power imbalances between men and
women, as discussed by authors such as Jackson and
Scott (2002), who noted that while ‘‘[m]ale orgasm
is . . . seen as ‘natural’ and inevitable . . . that of women
requires work and, in keeping with the idea of female
sexual passivity and male sexual expertise, women’s
bodies need to be worked on by the male virtuoso in
order to produce orgasm’’ (p. 107). If a woman wants
to experience orgasm more often during partnered inter-
actions (particularly during intercourse), it would likely
be beneficial for her to take a more active approach to
her own physical stimulation by ‘‘working on’’ herself
and letting go of the assumption that men alone have
this duty.

Disconnects Exist: Men and Women Do Not Always

Concur

Not all of the beliefs male and female participants
had regarding female orgasm were congruent with one
another. For instance, while male participants tended
to assume women highly value the occurrence of their
own orgasm during intercourse because of a desire for
personal pleasure, the majority of women disagreed,
asserting instead that their orgasm was more of a
‘‘bonus’’ rather than a goal of sexual interactions. It is
possible that if men in our sample held beliefs regarding
the importance of female orgasm for women in line with
that of our female sample, damage to the male ego asso-
ciated with lack of female orgasm may not have been as
prevalent, given a reduced pressure to perform. With
less concern about the male partner’s self-esteem (parti-
cularly if such concern is present during sexual activity),
it is also possible that women who had once been
focused on a partner’s judgment of himself would now
be able to divert their attention, instead, toward being
present in the sexual moment. Focusing attention on
the erotic aspects of a sexual interaction, during such
interaction, is one way for women to increase the likeli-
hood of orgasm with a partner, if so desired. This is
because fewer cognitive distractions (such as a focus
on a male partner’s ego) during sexual activity have been
associated with a greater likelihood of female orgasm
(Cuntim & Nobre, 2011).

Another significant, and quite striking, disconnect
between our male and female participants’ beliefs
existed in terms of their perceptions regarding clitoral
stimulation during intercourse. While men reported
quite positive views and anticipated sexual arousal in
regard to the possibility of clitoral stimulation during
intercourse (via manual stimulation), the majority of
women believed that asking for or engaging in clitoral
stimulation in the presence of their male partner would
damage his self-esteem and thus would not be
welcomed. Such an inaccurate female assumption could
be quite problematic for those who wish to increase their
orgasm occurrence with a partner, given that clitoral
stimulation is the most likely trigger of female orgasm
(Darling et al., 1991; Masters & Johnson, 1966). Even
if clitoral stimulation is desired by women to obtain
greater sexual satisfaction, it appears as though our
female participants placed consideration of the male
partner’s sexual experience as a higher priority than
their own sexual needs. Such a finding is similar to
observations made by Elmerstig, Wijma, Sandell, and
Bertero (2012), in a study involving in-depth interviews
with 14 young women; participants in their study experi-
enced both a tendency and pressure to ‘‘put more focus
on the importance of men’s sexual pleasure and orgasm
than on their own’’ (p. 131). If our female participants
were aware that their male peers were actually quite
aroused by the act of clitoral stimulation, we speculate

SALISBURY AND FISHER

626

that their comfort with asking for and engaging in such
stimulation (if desired) would increase, which would, in
turn, increase the likelihood of their experiencing
orgasm in a partnered context.

Female Orgasm and the Romantic Relationship

Our results also suggest that when it comes to beliefs,
concerns, and assumptions about female orgasm
occurrence in a partnered context, the type of relationship
matters. Whether the sexual interaction occurred in the
context of a casual sexual encounter or within a commit-
ted relationship exerted considerable influence over our
participants’ thoughts about the importance of female
orgasm, the need for honest communication, and the goals
of a sexual interaction. Of particular note, female orgasm
held the greatest importance for men in the context of a
committed relationship, and our female participants
seemed to be aware of this. Not only does the type of
relationship matter to thoughts about female orgasm,
but female orgasm matters to thoughts about the relation-
ship. Our male participants reported that a repeated lack
of female orgasm would have a negative influence on a
romantic relationship. This finding raises concerns,
considering that a sizable minority (up to 15%) of sexually
active women report never having experienced orgasm
(Birnbaum-Lichtenstein, 1998; Kinsey et al., 1953; Spector
& Carey, 1990), over one-quarter of sexually active women
report being unable to orgasm for several months at a time
(Laumann, Paik, & Rosen, 1999), and the majority of
women do not usually orgasm during the most common
sexual activity between partners (i.e., intercourse; Lloyd,
2005). If a woman communicates her usual (or complete)
lack of orgasm to her male partner—a preference indicated
by the majority of male participants—according to our
results, she is jeopardizing her relationship. Given that
our female sample tended to be aware of how important
female orgasm was to men in a relationship context (as
well as the associated impact lack of female orgasm would
have on a male partner’s self esteem), it is understandable
that our female participants tended not to fully disclose
their lack of orgasm to their partners and, instead,
may have faked orgasm to spare their partner’s feelings
(and, potentially, save the relationship).

Limitations and Suggestions for Future Research

Limitations in the current research approach should
be noted. First, by focusing on the most consistent pat-
tern of responses within our male and female focus
group discussions, we did not typically describe specific
information about the uncommon responses within each
gender. Although substantial within-gender homogen-
eity did exist, there was, of course, some heterogeneity
within women’s and men’s answers. As such, explo-
ration of within-female and within-male heterogeneity
in relation to orgasm occurrence and nonoccurrence

merits additional research attention. Second, the men
in our focus groups could have been influenced by the
presence of a female discussion leader, causing men to
respond in a manner perceived to be most desirable by
the female leader. Although we were unable to guaran-
tee this did not occur, when specifically questioned by
the male focus group leader at the end of discussions
(with the female leader stepping out of the room during
two of these instances), male participants reported being
truthful in their responses. Third, although this study
obtained rich detail about participants’ experiences,
data were obtained from a relatively small sample. In
this connection, the specific characteristics of the sample
under study—a fairly homogenous group of young
adult, Canadian, Caucasian, well-educated, heterosex-
ual, university students—was also a limitation, as our
results may have differed substantially had other popu-
lations been sampled. One of the aims of the current
research, however, was to generate hypotheses to guide
further qualitative and quantitative research with larger
and more diverse samples. In accordance, it would be
interesting to investigate our research questions with
older adults, given previous findings that female orgasm
consistency increases with age (Boroditsky et al., 1999;
Laumann et al., 1994) and that age moderates the
association between sexual dysfunction and distress in
women (Stephenson & Meston, 2012). Given the exist-
ence of culturally diverse beliefs and experiences
surrounding sexuality and orgasm (e.g., Marshall,
1971), it would also be intriguing to explore beliefs,
experiences, and concerns surrounding orgasm occur-
rence within other cultures. Finally, we note that we
did not sample both partners in a sexual relationship.
Although we assessed working assumptions and predic-
tions regarding how partners would respond to a variety
of situations, we did not obtain said partners’ actual
responses. As such, we cannot discuss our findings as
measures of the absolute accuracy men and women have
with regard to the assumptions they make about a
specific partner. Obtaining couple-level data would be
an ideal next step in this research area.

General Implications and Conclusion

Results from this study suggest foci for human sexu-
ality educators. In addition to providing education on
female sexual functioning (particularly in regard to nor-
mative orgasm frequency rates), educators could address
the common beliefs young people may have regarding
responsibility for female orgasm. By not actively engag-
ing in clitoral self-stimulation during sexual interactions
(particularly intercourse), those women who desire more
frequent orgasms during partnered sex are limiting the
extent of the sexual pleasure they can obtain. Perceived
male responsibility for producing female orgasm may
therefore be an obstacle to sexual gratification for both
partners, and perceived female responsibility for

FEMALE ORGASM IN HETEROSEXUAL SEXUAL INTERACTIONS

627

protecting the male ego may be a burden for women.
Human sexuality educators may also wish to target men’s
knowledge surrounding whether experiencing female
orgasm during every act of intercourse is truly important
for young women’s sexual satisfaction (for the majority
of our female participants, this was not the case).

Our findings also speak to the importance of increas-
ing communication between sexual partners in regard to
each other’s experiences, beliefs, and concerns surround-
ing orgasm within a relationship context, particularly in
young couples who are concerned about infrequent
female orgasm in their sexual interactions. Discussions
surrounding beliefs about the importance of female
orgasm as well as perceptions surrounding clitoral
stimulation are recommended because misunderstand-
ings about these topics may affect sexual functioning
in both relationship partners. Although education
regarding normative patterns of sexual response and
experience in young adult men and women is important,
to truly understand a partner’s unique sexual experience,
direct communication with a partner regarding sexual
topics is also necessary. Overall, it appears that many
of the beliefs and assumptions about female orgasm that
young adult men and women may have could serve to
burden both partners in a sexual relationship, parti-
cularly within a committed context, leading to less than
optimal sexual functioning and satisfaction.

Funding

This research was supported in part by an Ontario
Graduate Scholarship and a Joseph-Armand Bombar-
dier Canada Graduate Scholarship from the Social
Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada.

Acknowledgments

We would like to acknowledge and thank Alexandra
McIntyre-Smith and Taylor Kohut for their generous
help in coleading the female and male focus groups,
respectively.

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Appendix: Focus Group Questions

Shared Male and Female Focus Group Questions

Sexuality.

1. How important is sex in a relationship?
2. Who takes the lead in sexual interactions?
3. Describe a typical sexual encounter between a

male and a female. What does the whole situ-
ation look like from beginning to end?

FEMALE ORGASM IN HETEROSEXUAL SEXUAL INTERACTIONS

629

4. Describe an extremely satisfying sexual experi-
ence. What does the whole situation look like
from beginning to end?

5. Describe an extremely unsatisfying sexual experi-
ence. What does the whole situation look like
from beginning to end?

6. What are some stressful experiences that could be
associated with intimacy with a partner? Leading
up to intercourse? During intercourse? After
intercourse?

Additional Female Focus Group Questions

Orgasm experience.

7. How important is it for a woman to have an
orgasm during intercourse? Why?

8. What is (or are) the easiest way(s) for a woman to
have an

orgasm?

9. What does it feel like to have an orgasm?
10. In what ways would the experience of orgasm

change the longer a woman is with a sexual part-
ner (e.g., from the first sexual encounter to being
together for years)?

Lack of orgasm.

11. Would it bother women when orgasm does not
occur?

12. Why would it bother a woman if she does not
orgasm?

13. When a woman does not orgasm what is she most
concerned about?

14. What do women do when they cannot orgasm
during sexual activity with a partner?

15. If you had difficulty having orgasms all together, or
in specific contexts, how likely is it that you would
pursue advice? From what sources?

Partner.

16. How important is female orgasm for the male
partner?

17. Who has the greatest responsibility in producing a
woman’s orgasm: the partner, the woman, or both?

18. How do males tend to react when their female
partner does not orgasm

during intercourse?

19. Does it influence the relationship when a woman
does not orgasm?

Communication.

20. How important is it for women to openly com-
municate with their partner what specifically
sexually satisfies them?

21. How easy is it for women to openly communicate
sexual turn-ons with their partner?

22. What advice do you have for women with regard
to opening up communication?

Faking orgasms.

23. What is your opinion on faking orgasms?
24. What are some reasons why a woman would fake

an orgasm?
25. What are the benefits=downfalls in faking

orgasm?

Masturbation.

26. How important is prior experience with mastur-
bation in achieving a satisfying sex life?

27. Can you talk about masturbation with your
friends?

28. How do you feel about self-stimulation with a
partner?

Toys.

29. Do you think women you know use sex toys, such
as vibrators? Was it beneficial?

30. What would be the reasons for using sex
toys?

31. How do you think women’s partners react to
the introduction of a vibrator into the sexual
experience?

32. Who initiates the use of sex toys?

Additional Male Focus Group Questions

Male orgasm.

7. How important is achieving orgasm during inter-
course for men?

8. How important is the man’s orgasm for the female
partner?

9. Who has the greatest responsibility in producing a
man’s orgasm: partner, man, or both?

10. Would it bother a man if he did not orgasm?
11. If a man doesn’t orgasm during sexual inter-

actions, what is he most concerned about?
12. How do women react when a man doesn’t orgasm

during intercourse?

Female orgasm.

13. How common is it for women to have orgasms
during intercourse?

14. What are the easiest ways for a woman to have an
orgasm?

15. Who has the greatest responsibility in producing a
woman’s orgasm: partner, woman, or both?

16. How important is the female orgasm for the
woman? What about for the man?

17. Would it bother men if a female partner did not
orgasm during a sexual interaction? Why?

18. If she does not orgasm during intercourse, what
are men most concerned about?

SALISBURY AND FISHER

630

19. If a woman does not orgasm during intercourse,
what is she most concerned about?

20. Does it influence the relationship when a woman
does not orgasm at times or ever? How?

21. If she doesn’t orgasm, are you more or less moti-
vated to try harder to make her orgasm in future
encounters?

Communication.

22. If a man suspects his partner did not orgasm, how
likely is he to talk to her about it?

23. How important is partner communication
about orgasm occurrence and sexual likes=dis-
likes?

24. How common is partner communication about
orgasm occurrence and sexual likes=dislikes?

Faking orgasm.

25. What is your opinion on faking orgasm (both in
males and females)?

26. What are the benefits=downfalls in faking orgasm
(both in males and females)?

27. If your partner did not orgasm, would you prefer
she faked it, not say anything, or communicate
with you after?

Clitoral stimulation and sex toys.

28. How do you feel about a woman stimulating her
own clitoris while having intercourse?

29. How do you feel about stimulating a woman’s
clitoris while having intercourse? What if she
directly asks for this stimulation?

30. Do people you know incorporate sex toys, such as
vibrators, into sexual interactions?

31. How do males tend to react to the introduction of
a vibrator into the sexual experience?

32. Who initiates the use of sex toys?
FEMALE ORGASM IN HETEROSEXUAL SEXUAL INTERACTIONS
631

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