As we have seen, there are many ways to define family and various means of celebrating family relationships. The center of attention in all aspects of “family” continues to be the building and maintaining of foundations. Communication is of course the bedrock of all our intergenerational discourse.
After studying Lesson 10.3 carefully, review the following video and make some decisions about the pattern of communication which is exemplified by the father and son. Remember, examining BOTH Conversation Orientation AND Conformity Orientation (in Lesson 10.3) will provide insight into the Family Communication Pattern. You may need to watch the video a couple of times. Finally, base your perspective on personal experience blended with materials in this unit.
Next, you’ll want to reflect on your own upbringing: How did you and your family experience Conversation Orientation and Conformity Orientation? Describe the Family Communication Pattern in which you were raised. Provide details which support your decision.
Lastly, if you have raised or are raising children now, what communication pattern would you say best describes your present family experience?
Please respond to THREE of my peers. Individually provide feedback, or additional
information to what they have said.
Jeremy Rogers said:
I grew up in a high conversation orientation family. Partly because I grew up with a single
mother and it was only the two of us, but also because she was a very good mother who cared
about how I was being raised. Her and I had conversations about everything. She taught me some
lessons about money before I had the chance to screw it up. I feel that being a young man who
was raised by only his mother, you don’t always fully “open up”. Some things are just not what
you want to talk to your mom about. If I had to pick one of the four family types I grew up in, I
would say it was a pluralistic family. As I mentioned, we had conversations, but she did not try
to control my every move or decision. She let me be myself and learn some things the hard way.
My mother worked full time and took night classes to obtain her master’s degree. She always
managed to have dinner ready and made sure we sat together to eat. There weren’t many days
where we did not sit down at the table to eat. Many good conversations and teaching/learning
moments happened at the dinner table. As I got older and involved with sports and after school
activities, the nightly dinners became fewer but she tried to make sure we ate together as often as
possible. That was really our time to talk about anything and everything.
I am raising my children similar to how I was raised. I would say I am raising them in a
pluralistic family also. I try to make sure we eat a few meals together each week. We talk about
or days and whatever else needs to be discussed. At one point we had a mason jar full of papers
with conversation starters. We called it table talk and it actually helped keep conversations going
on days where there wasn’t much to talk about. It also started some new, interesting
conversations. I also allow them to be themselves, within reason. I will step in if I don’t like an
out fit my daughters have on or if they could get themselves hurt. Life lessons are important for
children. It stinks as a parent to see your child hurting, but the lesson they learned may be very
valuable.
Amber Pope said:
The father and son had a very interesting dynamic. While the father was a wonderful human
being, his conversation style with his son was a low conversation style. He did not communicate
his intentions with his son. He was elusive with his interactions and conversations with his son.
In the end the father’s actions spoke volumes, but it was too late. The son missed out because of
his father’s lack of conversation. The family was a protective family dynamic with low
conversation and high conformity. The son was obedient. The father made the decisions and did
not feel the need to include the son as to why the decisions were made. Again, he just gave him
half of the information, he was not completely transparent with his son.
My family upbringing was a high conversation orientation. We talked a lot about
everything; however my parents made the final decision. My parents did not value outside
relationships and outside opinions. A consensual family homes. Its interesting because my
husband was raised by a single mom and they were a low conversation, high conformity
household. Our upbringings were very different. We had to really come together to agree on how
we would raise our children. I think as far as my kids are concerned now, we are a high
conversation family. We discuss things and value the opinion of our kids. However, we also have
the final say. It will be what we
deem best. So we are a consensual family home too.
Brian Barnett said:
My family and I engage in low conversation orientation. We do not really discuss openly about
family issues that arise. Conversations are usually restricted to only conversations that do not
cause issues or drama. If an issue comes up, family tends to sweep it under the rug and not
discuss it. This is not the way my wife was raised and she struggles with this. If there is an issue,
she wants to openly discuss and deal with it. This has caused some issues with family members
before. My family and I engage in high conformity orientation. We were expected to go to
church each Sunday and Wednesday. We were expected to attend school and graduate high
school. We were expected to follow the rules at my parent’s house and not get in trouble, but if
we did not, nothing was send much. Drama and confrontation were avoided at all costs. Even
today, if someone is mad, they just don’t come around. They never talk about it or discuss the
issue. They just disappear.
I was raised in protective family communication pattern. We were expected to follow the rules
and not question the way we were raised. There was no option other than going to church and
going to school. Excuses were not allowed.
My current family (myself, wife, and daughter) are an example of consensual family
communication pattern. We are very communicative and discuss issues that arise. We also
believe in following rules. We want our daughter to be polite and kind to everyone. We want her
to follow directions that are given and give respect. That is important to us.