Instruction in included in the file, make sure to highlight any changes
The essay is not following proper MLA formatting- please review our MLA Format Guide
Carry Liu
Unit 1 Essay Draft
Although I have provided you with editing symbols as well as narrative feedback/comments to guide your corrections and revisions, please do not revise based ONLY on my markings- there may be other changes that your essay could benefit from so do not rely on my suggestions alone.
***Make sure you highlight all changes you make to your final draft (whether a word, phrase, or entire sentences, or even paragraphs). YOUR FINAL DRAFT WILL NOT BE GRADED UNLESS YOU HIGHLIGHT ALL CHANGES YOU HAVE MADE.
Use Social Media In a Wise Way
In mModern life, phones and other electronic devices are accessible to almost everyone. Social media plays an important role in our daily life. Social media becomes a global village where people from all around the world can share their life and experience. Our lives are especially significantly affected by CoronaVirusCoronavirus, and it’s dangerous for us to meet in person. Social media is a solution that allows us to keep in contact at home . However, while social media provides lots of conveniences, there are people who hold skepticism about social media and suggest quitting social media. Using social media excessively will cause different problems,C-S however, it is beneficial for people to use social media in a wise way for their professional and academic purpose. Some relevant background details and well-constructed thesis
Social media is so prevalent now, which takes the role of parents and teachers, which largely dominates how students think. In the article, “ The Impact of Social Media on Student Life,” Abhishek Karadkar claims that “tThe lives of people, especially students, are largely based on what is posted by other people on their profiles. The habits that students learn are decided more by what their friends do and less by the teachings of parents or professors.” Students are normally educated by the school and their parents the most. For instance, pParents told us how to solve problems in interpersonal relationships and teachers in a class taught us the basic rules we need to follow like respecting each other. Parents and teachers are initially the educators to lead students to form appropriate values at an early age. However, nowadays, students have more and more access to the internet, which means they have various ways to gain different kinds of opinions from different ranges of people. As a result, teachers or parents are no longer the only sources they receive the information from. For instance, if students meet a problem about friendship, they may search online to get answers first before they reach teachers or parents. The existence of social media takes the role of parents and teachers, which largely influences how students behave and how they view the world.
However, the influence of social media is unpredictable and always not positive. According to Karadkar, there are two main negative effects. Firstly, students will be burdened by the identity crisis, which means that students are “prone to frequent fluctuation in mood and self-control” ( Karadkar). Students’ mood is always uncontrollably affected by every post they see. They will unconsciously compare their life with others or their looks. And the posts on social media are always deluding. The biggest problem teenage girls have is appearance anxiety. On social media, a perfect woman is always depicted as thin, tall and with big eyes or blond hair. Those perfect posts will always make girls think they are not beautiful enough and cause depression. Another negative value affected by social media is that students’ focus has shifted from being a great student to a great socializer. Being popular with more friends seems to be more important to have a good grade in school. In addition, their value about friends is negatively impacted: Students nowadays think that quantity is more important than quality( Karadkar).why is this a different font? However, it’s friends’ moral character students should be more care WFabout, not the qauntitySP. It’s important for students to have cognitive ability to realize that they are not pressed to do the same thing they see in the media- what do you mean?
Indent each new paragraphIn addition, social media is harmful since students always overuse social media so that people cannot concentrate on their school work. In the Ted talk, “ Why You Should Quit Social Media,” Cal Newport presents his idea on how social media negatively affects our concentration. Newport claims to the audience that without social media, his life is even better off. He still can have friends, regular access to entertainment, and be exposed to the latest news without social media. And most importantly, he is much more effective in work, which results in much more spare time. A hHuge problem students all face is that social media always distract Sv-AGRthem from getting knowledge and jeopardize a student’s efficiency,which is really bad.very genera; how, more specifically? Elaborate on this as this should be a key focus
Social media however is really important for the job market. In the article, Don’t Quit Social Media. Put It to Work for Your Career Instead,” Patrick Gillooly illustrates that“Your M:Asocial media presence — and, really, your whole digital footprint — is no longer just an extension of your résumé. It’s as important as your résumé.” In modern days, the social media presence presents ones’ resume, and people can manage their digital trail to control how they want other people to view them. People who are proponents of using social media all view that social media can bring people more opportunities in the professional world. There are a lot of companies that view people’s social media before they recruit people to see if she or he is a suitable one. And companies will post their latest news on social media for students to catch up. For example, they will post the date of the firm meeting on Instagram. It becomes a fact now that for this generation, social media is an important ground for the job market. So it’s important for students to use social media as an effective tool.
Social media is important for professional success, C-S however, students need to use it in a wise way, which means with regulated time and better media literacy. According to Newport, social media is actually entertainment that capitalists use as a product and make us addictive. The modern time is still a period with growing information. The amount of messages becomes larger and larger. And as students increasingly use different mass media, students are exposed to a huge amount of information and it’s difficult for students to keep up with all of the information. As a result, students always filter out the information they are not interested in and pay attention to those they like based on their media literacy. And capitalists are so good at producing content that attracts students and makes students addictive (Newport). This is why it’s important for students to develop better media literacy. Students need to have better media literacy so that they will not be easily controlled by the market to consume more entertainment. Once students can distinguish those messages intentionally created by the capitalists from the useful messages, students can control themselves to not spend too much time and even money. Students need to clearly know their goals, and use media as a platform to enrich their knowledge. The professional world still values true capability, and students need to focus on studying. It is true that social media is a great place for students to socialize. However, socializing is not the most important mission and learning still is the primary goal of students(Karadkar). A wise way to use social media is to gain the newest knowledge for study and use upWC all the resources for new opportunities of jobs and regulated time for socializing. Unclear; what do you mean?
Social media is harmful while people can’t distinguish it from reality. However, it is useful and inevitable for students now to use social media in order to gain opportunities for work and get connected, so it’s better to navigate the hurdles and better use social media. Kardarkar recommended that there should be regulation on high school and college students to use social networking. However, there should be no real “rules”, because sStudents have the freedom to make decisions on whether or not to use social media to socialize online. Socializing is important,sinceimportant, since we are still human. Regular posts on social media and viewing how other peers perform in their life is totallyWC beneficial in a way if students can control their mood. They need to know their goalwhat do you mean? so that they will not waste time. Also, they need to develop media literacy to distinguish between the advertising messages and the useful messages. Social media can be embraced if students can use it in a wise way. Some valuable final suggestions and reflections but clarify several unclear words and phrases
Works Cited
Author(s). “Title of Article.” Title of Periodical, Day Month Year, pages.
Gillooly, Patrick. “Don’t Quit Social Media. Put It to Work for Your Career Instead.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 3 Dec. 2016.
Karadkar, Abhishek. “The Impact of Social Media on Student Life.” Technician, 4 Oct. 2015.
Newport, Cal. “Why You Should Quit Social Media.” Cal Newport: Why You Should Quit Social Media | TED Talk, June 2016, https://www.ted.com/talks/cal_newport_why_you_should_quit_social_media.
Reflection
My peer gives me great feedback. He told me if I need to be more specific in my thesis statement, and he also suggests that there are some spelling errors. So when I finish my draft, I go over the spellings. In Brainstorming, I have thought a lot about both the benefits and the harmfulness of social media. As a result, it bothers me to decide about my main focus of the essay. I agree with both sides that social media is harmful but at the same time we cannot quit social media because it’s important to our career. In the end, I choose to include both sides, and write a solution to prevent social media from being harmful. how When I write my essay, I found the tasks we did in the past five weeks are really helpful. Those tasks helped me to brainstorm and generalize ideas. A lot of the tasks we did help me to know the sources really well that I can immediately think of and use it to support my idea. I like the message I convey through the essay, and one thing I want to improve is that my sentences need to be richer. The activities earlier help a lot, and I need to practice more in my future writing.
Rubric Rating
Introduction 10
I feel like my background knowledge is really relevant to our topic. The covid increase the need of social media, and we are exposed to more and more information on social media. And my thesis statement well reflected my whole essay
MLA 15
My essay included support from article 2, article3 and as well as the Ted talk. Also my MLA citation followed exactly what the video talked about. I used all of four ways in the ppt to address the quotation.
Body 27
In my opinion, I revised my outline three times while I was writing. When I write, new ideas come up so I generalize an additional paragraph for the idea. Overall, my body paragraphs first present how social media could be harmful, then I present how we still need to use social media for its job benefit and lastly present how we could use social media in a wise way to prevent social media from hurting us. For each paragraph, I draw relevant support from the three sources.
Format 8
I use mla style, and 12, creative title included, double-spaced, Times New Roman font, 12-point size; is within and includes word count (1,200-1,500 words) and Works Cited page
Vocabulary15
I use 10 new words we learned from unit1 article in my essay.
Grammar 5
I read my article,but I feel like it’s hard for me to find errors.
Conclusion 5
I have restated all of my ideas in the conclusion, and i have given my opinion on we should not quit social media. One thing i am not sure if i supposed to do is I mention a new paraphrase from Karadkar
First draft 5
I include self reflect and an assessment
total:90