First Draft: Summary / Response Essay

A Note on Grading and Feedback for First Drafts

Please note that you will not receive written feedback from me on the essay’s first draft (you will get written feedback on the essay’s revision). The purpose of the first draft is not to get feedback; instead, the first draft serves as a checkpoint in this crucial stage of the writing process. Writing a draft ensures that you can produce your best writing when you work on the revision. Consequently, the first draft will be graded complete / incomplete.

If you have any questions at all about your essay, please ask me.

Due Date

Submit your first draft to this assignment space as a Word document by 11:59pm Monday, 5/18. If you don’t have Word on your computer, you can access it on the

Office 365 account given to you by the college

Format

Format your essay using MLA style guidelines in

12-point type

, use Times New Roman font, and use MLA citations. We will review MLA citations and MLA essay formatting next week, but you can read more about MLA style on pages 548-96 of our textbook. Try your best with MLA format on this first draft — we will discuss MLA soon (MLA won’t affect your grade on this draft).

Length

700-1000 words (MLA headings and works cited lists are excluded from the word count)

Purpose

The assignment calls for you to use critical reading and writing skills. These skills are necessary for conducting academic research and other professional research. The ability to comprehend information and assess the merits of its presentation is important in all professions.

Assignment Guidelines

You must offer a summary of and response to

David Byrne’s “Eliminating the Human.” (Links to an external site.)

Your task is to accurately present Byrne’s argument and support. Then you must offer your critical response to his argument. Do you agree with him? Why or why not? (It is possible to partially agree with someone.)

Conduct some research using the internet or the library’s databases, and draw on at least one outside source to support your response (you may use more than one outside source). Doing a bit of research should help broaden your perspective on the topic and bolster the substance of your response.

Follow the guidelines for constructing your Summary / Response on pages 33-44 in your textbook. Make sure your essay draft includes the following elements (see pages 42-43):

a clearly identified author and title
a concise summary of the text
an explicit response
support for your response

Use the organizational strategy on page 44 listed as “[Summary, followed by a response].” Organize your essay as follows:

Paragraph 1: Introduce the text and summarize it in one 5-8 sentence paragraph.

Paragraph 2: State your thesis (this is the thesis or main point of your response, and this paragraph will likely be short, maybe a single sentence).

Paragraphs 3, 4, 5 (or More): Respond to the text: what it says, how it’s written, and/or how you react. Your response should consist of at least three (3) body paragraphs, and each of these body paragraphs should be 5-8 sentences. Incorporate at least one outside source in one or more of these response paragraphs.

Concluding Paragraph: Conclude by summing up your response and its implications.

Essay Checklist

Content

Accurate interpretation and summary of Byrne’s article
Accurate interpretation and incorporation of source texts
Thesis that makes a precise claim
Direct quotations and examples from sources
Conclusion that sums up the response and its implications to your audience (your audience consists of other students in this class)

Body Paragraphs

Unified and cohesive paragraphs
Topic sentences (precise and limiting sub-claims)
Logical transitions between paragraphs
Concise sentences free from grammar and punctuation errors

Format

Times New Roman (or equivalent)
MLA format (heading, parenthetical quotations, works cited page)
Relevant title (you must craft a title that succinctly indicates the content of your essay)
Indent the first line of each paragraph
Left-justified (do not center or right-justify your text)

A Few Writing Resources You May Find Useful

Quotation tips:

http://facultyweb.ivcc.edu/rrambo/eng1001/quotes.htm (Links to an external site.)

Purdue Owl (grammar/MLA/general writing tips):

https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/ (Links to an external site.)

Title punctuation:

http://www.thepunctuationguide.com/titles-of-works.html

review: Eliminating the human

by MARCELO FIORILO GONZALES

Submission date: 22-May-2020 08:14AM (UTC-0400)
Submission ID: 132

82077

File name: Eliminating_the_Human x (22.76K)
Word count: 850
Character count: 4922

Summary Thesis

proofread for passive voice; use active
voice

Summary
Content

proofread for mixed
constructions

proofread for
conciseness

proofread for mixed
constructions

5 proofread for missing
words

MLA In-Text
Citations

Topic Sentence
Clarity

proofread for wordy
phrases

MLA Citation Required

Accuracy of
Claims

proofread for passive voice; use active
voice

proofread for sentence
fragments

6%
SIMILARITY INDEX

4%
INTERNET SOURCES

0%
PUBLICATIONS

6%
STUDENT PAPERS

1 4%
2 1%
3 1%

Exclude quotes On

Exclude bibliography On

Exclude matches Off

review: Eliminating the human
ORIGINALITY REPORT

PRIMARY SOURCES

Submitted to Miami-Dade Community College
Student Paper

Submitted to University of Florida
Student Paper

Submitted to Santa Fe Community College
Student Paper

QM
QM

FINAL GRADE

65/100
review: Eliminating the human
GRADEMARK REPORT

GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

PAGE 1

Comment 1

This is a great start, Marcelo! Your thesis and body paragraphs make great points, but you should
revisit Byrne’s essay, as he makes many of the same arguments you make here.

Keep in mind that you can revise this essay again, so feel free to ask any questions you have about
the essay.

Comment 2

Make sure claims about his argument are accurate. His argument seems to oppose this idea of
conspiracy.

Summary Thesis

Be sure the first sentence of the summary paragraph includes the author’s entire thesis. You may
have to look in multiple places within the original source to identify the author’s main argument.

Comment 3

Be specific; what exactly does he argue about these patterns?

proofread for passive voice; use active voice

Summary Content

QM
QM
QM
QM
QM
QM
QM
QM
QM

Make sure the summary accurately reflects each of the author’s main points.

proofread for mixed constructions

Comment 4

The previous sentence indicates that Byrne’s claim about technology is wrong, but this sentence
seems to agree with his claim.

proofread for conciseness

PAGE 2

proofread for mixed constructions

Comment 5

Are you sure he doesn’t make this argument?

proofread for missing words

MLA In-Text Citations

Review pages 551-58 in our textbook along with the other materials I have provided on Canvas to
correctly format MLA in-text citations.

Topic Sentence Clarity

Write topic sentences that indicate the paragraph’s main topic.

proofread for wordy phrases

Eliminate unnecessary words and phrases.

Comment 6

Proofread to remove passive voice. The three instances of passive voice in this sentence make the
sentence difficult to understand.

MLA Citation Required

All quotes and paraphrases must be cited using MLA citations.

Accuracy of Claims

Make sure all claims about sources are accurate.

QM
QM
QM

Make sure all claims about sources are accurate.

proofread for passive voice; use active voice

PAGE 3

Comment 7

Is this not one of Byrne’s arguments?

proofread for sentence fragments

Comment 8

Good point in this paragraph!

Comment 9

He’s a rock musician, not a scholar.

PAGE 4

RUBRIC: GRADING: SUMMARY/RESPONSE

SUMMARY (20%)

EXCELLENT: A

(4)

ABOVE AVERAGE:
B+/B
(3)

AVERAGE: C+/C
(2)

BELOW AVERAGE:
D+/D

(1)

INCOMPLETE: F
(0)

RESPONSE (20%)

EXCELLENT: A
(4)

ABOVE AVERAGE:
B+/B
(3)
AVERAGE: C+/C
(2)
BELOW AVERAGE:
D+/D
(1)
INCOMPLETE: F
(0)

ORGANIZATION (20%)

EXCELLENT: A

2.60 / 4

2 / 4

Introduces the author and article in the introductory paragraph. Accurately summarizes the thesis.Represents the
main ideas of the source accurately. Includes only important details. Uses your own words, not the exact words
of the source.

3 / 4

Accurate interpretation and incorporation of source texts. Includes a thesis that makes a precise claim.
Accurately uses direct quotations and examples from sources.has a conclusion that sums up the response and
its implications to your audience.

4 / 4

Has unified and cohesive paragraphs. Clear topic sentences (precise and limiting sub-claims). Logical transitions
between paragraphs.

(4)
ABOVE AVERAGE:
B+/B
(3)
AVERAGE: C+/C
(2)
BELOW AVERAGE:
D+/D
(1)
INCOMPLETE: F
(0)

MLA STYLE (20%)

EXCELLENT: A
(4)
ABOVE AVERAGE:
B+/B
(3)
AVERAGE: C+/C
(2)
BELOW AVERAGE:
D+/D
(1)
INCOMPLETE: F
(0)

GRAMMAR/STYLE (20%)

EXCELLENT: A
(4)
ABOVE AVERAGE:
B+/B
(3)
AVERAGE: C+/C
(2)
BELOW AVERAGE:
D+/D
2 / 4

MLA format (heading, parenthetical quotations, works cited page). 12-point type, Times New Roman font.
Relevant title. Indent the first line of each paragraph. Left-justified (do not center or right-justify your text).

2 / 4

Concise sentences free from grammar and punctuation errors.

(1)
INCOMPLETE: F
(0)

RUBRIC: GRADING: SUMMARY/RESPONSE 2.60 / 4

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