RevisionPlan_1 xAddiction_within_the_Military.edited2
First Revision For this revision, make high level paper and paragraph changes based on a text analysis using the questions below. Revision: Some Questions to Ask Yourself To be effective, revision should be approached in an organized and systematic way, beginning with an analysis of the structure and content of your text as a whole before focusing on smaller details such as individual paragraphs. Ask yourself the following questions about each section of your paper. Introduction Do you catch the reader′s interest effectively right away? Would a writer′s trick such as using a quotation, story, or metaphor be appropriate and helpful in accomplishing this? Is the introduction just the right length to say what needs to be said, no more and no less? Is your introduction clear and logical? Is the information presented in the best possible order? Thesis What is your thesis? Is it obvious, clear, and written as a complete sentence? Where is it? Is it in just the right spot or could you improve readability if it was moved? What is the goal of your thesis? For example, are you trying to argue for a particular position on the topic at hand? Have you expressed this clearly? If you are making an argument, do you need to point out counterarguments to your thesis? Is the scope of your thesis appropriate for the assignment? Do you need to broaden it or narrow it down? Paragraphs Is each paragraph purposeful, relevant to your thesis, and contributing to your goals? Is there a logical progression throughout the paper? Do the paragraphs build on each other and support your thesis in an organized way? Does each paragraph have a focused topic and topic sentence that relates to the thesis? Do the other sentences in your paragraphs provide evidence and argument to support this topic? Is each paragraph a reasonable length—not too long or too short? Are any paragraphs trying to accomplish too much? If so, how can they be restructured? Have you used quotations moderately and effectively? Do your quotations relate directly to the thesis? Do you provide context for your quotations? Should you cut down on the number of quotations you′re using and paraphrase instead? Conclusion Are you providing a useful recap of your paper in a way that′s interesting, rather than resorting to highly repetitious language? Can you write it in such a way that it relates to, and enhances, the most significant aspects of your paper? Are you providing a true conclusion, or are you merely summarizing what you just wrote? Do you introduce any new topics right at the end? If you do, is there a compelling reason? Do you end on a strong note? Revision Strategies Focus and Relevance On a new sheet of paper, write down your thesis. Then, go through your paper paragraph by paragraph, and do the following: Check to make sure each paragraph is relevant to the thesis and is working well to support the thesis. Look for extraneous information that doesn′t really need to be there. Note that this strategy also works to analyze individual paragraphs. In this case, use the topic sentence of each paragraph to compare to the other sentences in the paragraph. Coherence and Balance To help you determine the coherence and balance of your paper, copy and paste your thesis and all the topic sentences of your paragraphs into one paragraph. As you read, is there a logical flow of ideas and argument? Does the paragraph stay focused and balanced in its dealings with the various areas being covered? Or, are some sections of the paper given too much space, while other important areas remain underdeveloped? Logic and Flow On a separate sheet of paper, write down the main ideas of each paragraph in one or two words and then note the end result. Do the words fall into a logical order? If they don′t, this might be a clue about areas in your paper where your argument or evidence is out of order and could be rearranged. At the individual paragraph level, check your logic and flow by doing the following: Identify the topic sentence of a paragraph and then note the subject, verb, and object of each of the remaining sentences in the paragraph. Use the result to see weak spots in your logical progression of ideas. You can also use this method to see how well you stay focused on the main topic of the paragraph
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Revision Plan: Addiction within the Military Community
Jefferson Tillery
Capella University
WRIT6088
Nicole Mclnnes
Sept 1st 2021
Areas That Require Improvement
Introduction
Revise my introduction: in the current essay, my introduction focuses on addiction and the effects on the military community, especially those in the war. Besides, the introduction focuses on the primary effects of addiction to all people as well as physical effects among the war people, such as leg injuries and amputations. Since I feel that the approach is wrong, I would like to focus on the specific effects and challenges that addiction has demonstrated in the military community. Besides, my introduction should focus on different scenarios in the military community where addiction has been identified as a benefit or a threat to society. Maybe the introduction should look like this: “Over the years, addiction has been a serious concern among the military community globally. Addiction has encouraged both positive and negative effects to both the national security and the land militants over a long time. Majorly, addiction is a chronic disease that affects the functioning of the brain and the physical well-being of a person. For example, a greater percentage of militants in a peacekeeping mission suffer from mental health disorders and physiological problems resulting from addiction, which affected the outcome of the peacekeeping mission. According to research conducted by the National Institute on Drug Abuse, many militants who suffer from addiction are more likely to be active than those who do not suffer from addiction….”
Thesis Statement
Revise my thesis: right now, my thesis is unclear. I feel it is not very clear. I think that it should flow like this: “Thus addiction is a dangerous problem among the military community which is caused by several factors including psychological distress and combat experience. Further, addiction is associated with the underlying military culture and increased injury risks. Military addiction can be managed through the screening, prevention, and treatment of the affected.”
The thesis statement gives a clear solution to the given problem.
In-text Citations and References
Revise my reference list as well as my in-text citations: although my references may be relevant and credible, they may be unreliable. A reliable reference list should be from the last five years. Reliability means that the information is still accurate and can be used to research a problem and give a solution to the problem. Currently, the essay has outdated references such as publications from 2011 and 2015, which are below five years. Such changes in references will help formulate my argument providing specific and accurate information towards the research paper. Besides, the current document does not follow the current APA citation guidelines. I understand that I should use “et al.” for more than two authors to describe that they are many authors, but the “et al., should not be italicized. For instance, it should be (Goodwin et al., 2020) rather than (Goodwin et al., 2020).
Revision Timeline
Currently, the essay does not emphasize some significant issues associated with addiction among the military community. Therefore, the timeline below presents some of the topics which will be revisited in the future.
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Time required |
Topic to be completed |
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Two weeks |
Physical and psychological disorders associated with addiction among the military community and how they affect their call to duty. |
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One week |
Types of illicit drugs and substances abused by the military community and how they positively and negatively influence their duty and responsibility in the military operations. |
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| Two weeks |
Similarities and differences between veterans and active duty and how they consume legal and illegal drugs in their operations. |
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Do we agree that the use of illicit drugs and substances can lead to addiction and violation of military rules and regulations among the national security? |
The revision process may be incomplete due to lack of the following writing and revision elements;
· Organization: the paper lacks an appropriate outline which means that the writing takes more time than required. Having what is needed in the essay ensures that the author develops a good essay with a good flow, thus ensuring one writes a cohesive piece.
Addiction within the Military Community
Capella University
WRIT 6088
Written by:
Jefferson M Tillery
Professor:
Nicole Mclnnes
Aug 19th 2021
Addiction within the Military Community
Addiction is a common phenomenon within the military community that affects war
veterans’ mental health treatment efforts. Addiction is a chronic health condition that entails a
relapsing brain illness that causes uncontrollable substance use, regardless of its harmful
consequences to the individual. The initial decision to engage in substance use is usually voluntary
for many people. However, with time, brain changes challenge an individual’s self-control,
affecting their ability to stand firm against the intense impulses to engage in substance use. When
military personnel goes to war, they often come back differently. Some of the changes are
physically evident as they entail physical injuries such as gunshot wounds, amputations, or burn
wounds. Others are deeper as they entail psychological and mental health disorders. Because of
these physical and psychological changes, military personnel turns to alcohol and drugs for
comfort, resulting in substance abuse, which leads to addiction in the long run. According to the
National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), 47 percent of military personnel on active duty engage
in binge drinking, 30 percent are smokers, and 11 percent engage in illicit drug use, most of whom
abuse opioids (Vertava Health, 2021). Hence, addiction within the military community is a serious
problem caused by combat experience, psychological distress associated with the job and the
increased injury risk, and the military culture, which can be managed by prevention, screening, and
referral to treatment which includes both pharmacological and behavioral.
Causes of Addiction within the Military Community
Combat Experience
Most military personnel are actively deployed in combat zones, which has proved to be the
most outstanding risk factor for substance abuse and addiction within the military community.
During deployments, military personnel goes through traumatic experiences such as becoming
seriously injured, witnessing serious injuries to others, and even the death of colleagues and people
they have grown close with, resulting in a negative cumulative effect that causes stress and trauma.
These experiences put them at an increased risk of PTSD, which in turn pushes them to substance
use and misuse, leading to addiction (Goodwin et al., 2020). They record high hospital admissions
for non-communicable illnesses such as alcohol misuse, binge drinking, and smoking.
Psychological Distress
Combat experience often causes psychological distress in the military community. Physical
injuries and invisible wounds that military personnel return from combat contribute to
psychological distress, resulting in mental problems such as PTSD, traumatic brain injury, and
depression. Unfortunately, most military personnel engage in substance use as a maladaptive
coping method because of the psychological distress and mental health problems they face due to
the extreme working conditions. In the beginning, substance use may seem effective in easing the
symptoms of mental health issues and PTSD, but it has a high risk of developing a substance use
disorder and addiction. However, Goodwin et al. (2020) claim that substance use among military
personnel varies with time due to their increased chances of having extended periods of absence,
such as during advanced training operations and deployments, which reduces the chances for
addiction. Likewise, despite the psychological distress among military personnel and their
increased substance use, the physical activeness of the profession reduces the health consequences
of excessive substance use (Goodwin et al., 2020). Moreover, regardless of how long it may take
for military populations to become addicted to alcohol and other substances, addiction remains a
possibility because of the psychological distress that they experience during deployment.
Increased Injury Risk
Military work is associated with an increased injury risk due to its strenuous and very
active nature. Treatment for injuries often entails painkillers and opioid prescriptions, which have a
high potential for abuse and misuse and can lead to addiction in the long run. The number of
military personnel misusing opioids and painkiller medications is a major concern, given that they
can also obtain the drugs from corpsmen and non-physician medics (Vertava Health, 2021).
Combat-related injuries are very high among soldiers, whereby explosions and gunshot wounds are
the leading causes of those injuries. In most cases, soldiers self-medicate after sustaining injuries
using painkillers, leading to addiction (Vertava Health, 2021). Hence, the increased injury risk
associated with military life contributes to addiction due to the increased chances of treatment with
opioids and other painkiller medications, which are highly addictive.
Military Culture
Alcohol consumption is a common practice in the military. Traditionally, military
personnel has used it to cope with the stress and anxiety brought about by combat. According to
Teachman, Anderson, and Tedrow (2015), the military seems to encourage soldiers to consume
alcohol considering there are price supports on military bases whereby alcohol is cheaper than
elsewhere. The military believes that alcohol lifts one’s morale and aids in unit cohesion while
contributing to soldier adjustment. Jones and Fear (2011) assert that alcoholism has been part of
the military service for a long time. It was widely used during World War I and II as the initial
shell shock treatment, mainly to assist sleep and for therapeutical purposes. Turning to alcohol for
comfort has been, and is still, a common occurrence in military life. This mode of alcohol
consumption has a high chance of leading to alcohol use disorders and addiction.
Treatment Options
Prevention
Various treatments can help addicted military veterans stop alcohol and drug use, evade
relapse, and recover successfully. According to Sharbafchi and Heydari (2017), the best approach
to addiction should start with prevention, which is the fundamental approach to controlling the
inception and progression of substance use from experimental to regular use, followed by
dependence. Individuals respond differently to different prevention programs, as some might be
effective for one individual and ineffective for another. For that reason, prevention programs
should be adopted to meet the unique needs of an individual. They include selective, indicated, and
universal strategies whereby selective efforts center on subgroups at high risk for addiction and
substance use disorders, indicated strategies focus on individuals in the early stages of substance
use, and universal efforts target populations that are not currently at high risk for addiction. These
strategies intensify protection factors, thus reducing risk factors such as peer pressure, low
psychological resilience, and low-cost accessibility.
Screening
Individuals suffering from addiction differ widely from other patients as they rarely accept
their conditions and need help. Military personnel rarely see their substance use problems. They
only seek treatment when they experience the physical side effects of substance use, such as
intoxication and withdrawal. According to Sharbafchi and Heydari (2017), the diagnosis of
addiction can be attained by screening for recognizable health-related, work-related, behavioral,
and interpersonal problems. Screening should be socially and culturally acceptable to avoid the
condition being seen as a moral fault and not a health problem. Likewise, some physical conditions
can be used, such as recurrent injuries and gastritis hepatitis, among other related medical
conditions, in screening.
Diagnosis and Treatment
The diagnosis should be based on valid and reliable facts about addiction. It should be
guided by the DSM-V of APA 2013, which associates the diagnosis of a substance use disorder
with significant quantities that lead to toxicity and have psychopathological behavioral features
(Sharbafchi & Heydari, 2017). Treatment is the next step after a proper diagnosis with the DSM-V.
Military services may impact the selection of treatment methods for substance use disorders and
addiction. The military community has its unique routines, which may fail to correlate with the
research-based practice efforts for therapy. The general therapists in the military may lack adequate
experience and skills, and inadequate standardized training for clinicians in the military are the
main factors that may affect addiction treatment in the military (Sharbafchi & Heydari, 2017).
Effective treatment for addiction in the military needs a wide-ranging approach since the areas that
should be addressed to change the situation in the military are psychological disturbances, physical
and cognitive dysfunctions, behavioral difficulties, and social and interpersonal impairments.
Hence, the first goal is abstinence, followed by recovery, which is a lasting task.
Conclusion
Addiction is a common issue within the military community and is often brought about by
military combat experience, psychological distress, and the increased chances of injury. The
military culture also encourages substance use by ensuring alcohol and other substances are
cheaper in institutions than in other public places and upholds the idea that it reduces the anxiety
and stress associated with military life. Its treatment process entails prevention, screening,
diagnosis, and treatment.
References
Goodwin, L., Leightley, D., Chui, Z. E., Landau, S., McCrone, P., Hayes, R. D., Jones, M.,
Wessely, S., & Fear, N. T. (2020). Hospital admissions for non-communicable disease in
the UK military and associations with alcohol use and mental health: a data linkage
study. BMC Public Health, 20, 1-17. http://dx.doi.org/10.1186/s12889-020-09300-5
Jones, E., & Fear, N. T. (2011). Alcohol Use and Misuse within the Military: A Review,
International Review of Psychiatry, 23(1), 166-172.
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/51077971_Alcohol_use_and_misuse_within_the
_military_A_review
Sharbafchi, M., & Heydari, M. (2017). Management of Substance use Disorder in Military
Services: A Comprehensive Approach. Advanced Biomedical
Research, 6http://dx.doi.org/10.4103/abr.abr_283_16
Teachman, J., Anderson, C., & Tedrow, L. M. (2015). Military Service and Alcohol Use in the
United States, Armed Forces & Society, 41(3), 460-476.
https://cedar.wwu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1013&context=sociology_facpubs
Vertava Health (2021). Substance Use Prevalence in the military,
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